Excellent Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day while walking down the street a highly successful HR Director was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.
"Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter.
"Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had a Human Resources Director make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in," said the woman.
"Well, I'd like to," replied St. Peter, "but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."
"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman.
"Sorry, we have rules..."
And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down-down-down to more...

Three executives are all sitting around at lunch baning on about how awesome they are and the wonderful gifts they got their wives for their wedding anniversaries this year. First bloke says "... Yes well I got my wife 2 Saab convertibles, one red and one white, so depending on what she's wearing, either one will suit" "excellent, excellent" said the other two. second man says "Well, I bought my wife 2 houses. One on the coast and one in the hills, so depending on who she's entertaining for dinner, we can use the one that suits." "Marvellous, Marvellous" said the other two. "So,' bloke 3', what did you get your wife?" ask the first two. "I got my wife a new purse and a dildo..." said bloke 3. "A new purse and a dildo? what on earth for?" aksed the first 2. "IF SHE DOESN'T LIKE THE PURSE, SHE CAN GO F**** HERSELF"