Execute Jokes

Your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.
You've ever held somebody up with a caulk gun.
You have every episode of "Hee Haw" on tape.

Two diplomats are riding in a limousine in Moscow, an Indian and a Russian, discussing state business.

The Russian says to the Indian, "Rohit, I like you, but my superiors say the deal can't go through. They don't want to be associated with your country. They tell me it's filthy and the citizens just shit on the streets."

"That is not true!" exclaims the Indian, "We are very fastidious... in fact, you're not one to talk, isn't that someone shitting on your fine sidewalk?" he points out the window where there is indeed a squatted figure defecating on the sidewalk.

The Russian diplomat is enraged. "Stop the car!" he yells at the driver, Pavel. "Pavel, go execute that shitting man." Pavel nods at his boss, stops the the car and takes out a gun.

After a minute, he shakes his head and returns to his boss. "Sir, I cannot execute him."

"Why the hell not?" yells the more...

Difference Between a Bad *President* and a Bad *Precedent*

. .. BAD *PRECEDENT:

Tipper: "How does it feel to be the big man, Hon?"

Al: "Well Tip, it took 17 lawsuits and 18 months of election recounts, but I'd do it all again."

. .. BAD *PRESIDENT:

Mr. Bush, repeat after me. I do solemnly swear

- "I do solemonemoney swear..."

- that I will faithfully execute the office of President of the United States

- "... that I will fatally execute the official President of the United States..."

- and will to the best of my ability

- "... and will to the best of my abli-tilly. .."

- preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States

- "... preservect defenestrate the United. .. the Constitual. .. the. .. um. .. of America."

- So help me God.

- "So help me. So help more...

Difference Between a Bad *President* and a Bad *Precedent*

... BAD *PRECEDENT:

Tipper: "How does it feel to be the big man, Hon?"

Al: "Well Tip, it took 17 lawsuits and 18 months of election recounts, but I`d do it all again."

... BAD *PRESIDENT:

Mr. Bush, repeat after me. I do solemnly swear

- "I do solemonemoney swear..."

- that I will faithfully execute the office of President of the United States

- "... that I will fatally execute the official President of the United States..."

- and will to the best of my ability

- "... and will to the best of my abli-tilly. .."

- preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States

- "... preservect defenestrate the United. .. the Constitual. .. the. .. um. .. of America."

- So help me God.

- "So help me. So help my more...

AAC Alter All CommandsAAD Alter All DataAAO Add And OverflowAAR Alter At RandomAB Add BackwardsABC AlphaBetize CodeABR Add Beyond RangeACC Advance CPU ClockACDC Allow Controller to Delete ContentsACDP Allow Controller to Die PeacefullyACQT Advance Clock to Quitting TimeADB Another Dumb BugAEE Absolve Engineering ErrorsAFF Add Fudge FactorAFHB Align Fullword on Halfword BoundaryAFP Abnormalize Floating PointAFR Abort Funny RoutineAFVC Add Finagle's Variable ConstantAGB Add GarBageAGWA Add and Get Wrong AnswerAI Add ImproperAIB Attack Innocent BystanderAIB Attack Innocent BystandersAISG Access and Improve Student GradeAMM Add Mayo and MustardAMM Answer My MailAMS Add Memory to SystemANC ANnoy ConsultantAOI Annoy Operator ImmediateAR Advance RudelyAR Alter RealityARN Add and Reset to Non-zeroARN Add and Reset to NonzeroARZ Add and Reset to ZeroAS Add SidewaysASQGSA ASCII Stupid Question, Get a Stupid ANSIAT Accumulate TriviaAWP Argue With ProgrammerAWTT Assemble With Tinker ToysBA Branch more...