Shitting Jokes

THE GHOST SHIT The kind where you feel shit come out, see shit on the toilet paper, but there's no shit in the bowl.

THE CLEAN SHIT The kind where you feel shit come out, see shit in the bowl, but there's no shit on the toilet paper.

THE WET SHIT You wipe your ass fifty times and it still feels unwiped. So you end up putting toilet paper between your ass and your underwear so you don't ruin them with those dreadful skid marks.

THE SECOND WAVE SHIT This shit happens when you've finished, your pants are up to your knees, and you suddenly realize you have to shit some more.

THE BRAIN HEMORRAHAGE THROUGH YOUR NOSE SHIT Also known as' Pop a Vein in your Forehead Shit'. You have to strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and practically have a stroke.

THE CORN SHIT No explanation necessary.

THE LINCOLN LOG SHIT The kind of shit that's so enormous you're afraid to flush it down without first breaking it up into more...

SHIT HAPPENS in various world religions
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Taoism: Shit happens.
If you can shit, it isn't shit.
Shit happens, so flow with it.
Hare Krishna: Shit Happens, Rama Rama Ding Ding.
She-it happens, She-it happens, happens, happens,
she-it, she-it... (Repeat until you become one with she-it)
Please this flower and buy our shit.
Confucianism: Confucious say, "Shit happens".
Confucious says, "If shit has to happen, let it happen
PROPERLY."
Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit.
If shit happens, it isn't really happening TO anyone.
Shit will happen again to you next time.
Only he who totally gives up the desire for shit will
have salvation.
Zen: What is the sound of shit happening?
7th Day Adventism:
Shit happens on Saturdays.
Hinduism: I've seen this shit happening before.
This shit is not a religion, it is the way of more...

Two diplomats are riding in a limousine in Moscow, an Indian and a Russian, discussing state business.

The Russian says to the Indian, "Rohit, I like you, but my superiors say the deal can't go through. They don't want to be associated with your country. They tell me it's filthy and the citizens just shit on the streets."

"That is not true!" exclaims the Indian, "We are very fastidious... in fact, you're not one to talk, isn't that someone shitting on your fine sidewalk?" he points out the window where there is indeed a squatted figure defecating on the sidewalk.

The Russian diplomat is enraged. "Stop the car!" he yells at the driver, Pavel. "Pavel, go execute that shitting man." Pavel nods at his boss, stops the the car and takes out a gun.

After a minute, he shakes his head and returns to his boss. "Sir, I cannot execute him."

"Why the hell not?" yells the more...

Height of evaporation:
When a cow starts giving' powdered' milk. Height of stinginess:
Using both sides of toilet paper. Height of nonsense:
Telling a person to stand in the corner when the
room is circular. Height of curiosity:
A man looking through the keyhole when the
room is made of glass. Height of pessimism:
Going into a tunnel, seeing light from the opposite
side, and thinking it to be an on-coming train. Height of generosity:
Loose motions. Height of heights:
A person shitting on Mt. Everest to make it an
inch higher. Height of laziness:
A man shitting on the seashore and waiting for
the tide to wash the shit.

Two diplomats are riding in a limousine in Moscow, an Indian and a Russian, discussing state business. The Russian says to the Indian, "Rohit, I like you, but my superiors say the deal can't go through. They don't want to be associated with your country. They tell me it's filthy and the citizens just shit on the streets." "That is not true!" exclaims the Indian, "We are very fastidious... in fact, you're not one to talk, isn't that someone shitting on your fine sidewalk?" he points out the window where there is indeed a squatted figure defecating on the sidewalk. The Russian diplomat is enraged. "Stop the car!" he yells at the driver, Pavel. "Pavel, go execute that shitting man." Pavel nods at his boss, stops the the car and takes out a gun. After a minute, he shakes his head and returns to his boss. "Sir, I cannot execute him." "Why the hell not?" yells the Russian. "Sir, he's the Indian Prime Minister."