Executive Jokes / Recent Jokes

"My boss spent the entire weekend retyping a 25-page proposal that only needed corrections. She claims the disk I gave her was damaged and she couldn't edit it. The disk I gave her was write-protected."
(CIO of Dell Computers)Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say."
(Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me."
(Shipping executive, FTD Florists)"We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees."
(Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)We recently received a memo from senior management saying: "This is to inform you that a memo will be issued today regarding the memo more...

REDMOND, Washington-January 4, 1995-In response to customer
inquiries, Microsoft today clarified the naming policy for Bob(tm),
its new software product designed for computer beginners. Contrary
to rumors, Microsoft will not demand that all persons formerly named
"Bob" immediately select new first names.
"I don't know where these rumors come from," commented Steve
Balmer, Microsoft Executive Vice President for Worldwide Sales and
Support. "It's ridiculous to think Microsoft would force people
outside the computer industry to change their names. We won't, and
our licensing policies for people within the industry will be so
reasonable that the Justice Department could never question them."
Balmer said employees of other computer companies will be given the
opportunity to select new names, and will also be offered a
licensing option allowing them to continue using their former names
at very low more...

Nurses are complaining about a new restaurant that features waitresses in skimpy nurse uniforms. "Nurses are the most sexually fantasized-about profession," said Sandy Summers, executive director of the Center for Nursing Advocacy. "We're asking people to move these sexual fantasies to other professionals, like executive directors with porno names."

A gal comes in for her interview with the human resources department of a large company and hands the executive her application.
As the executive begins to scan her resume, he notices that she has been fired from every job she's ever held.
"I must say," says the executive, "your work history is terrible. You've been fired from every job." "Yes," says the lady. "Well," continues the executive, "there's not much positive in that."
"Well, " says the woman as she pokes the application. "At least I'm not a quitter!"

A gal comes in for her interview with the human resources department of a large company and hands the executive her application.As the executive begins to scan her resume, he notices that she has been fired from every job she's ever held."I must say," says the executive, "your work history is terrible. You've been fired from every job." "Yes," says the lady. "Well," continues the executive, "there's not much positive in that.""Well, " says the woman as she pokes the application. "At least I'm not a quitter!"

here's one for all those who feel tired after a stressful working day...
An executive goes to see his doctor, complaining of feeling worn out all the time due to his long working hours. The doctor asks him a few questions about his lifestyle.
Doc: "So, do you and your wife have an active sex-life?"
Exec: "Yes, doc, twice a day, once in the morning before I go to work and again last thing at night."
Doc: "Hmm, and any other love interests?"
Exec: "Actually, my secretary, twice a day, once at eleven o'clock when she brings my mid-morning coffee and again at four o'clock when she brings my afternoon tea."
Doc: "Hhhhmmmmm, and so you make love a total of four times a day?!"
Exec: "Actually, I also see my mistress twice a day, at lunch-time and we make love, and I pop round to see her on my way home from work and we make love then, too."
Doc: "My God, man, no wonder you're always feeling more...

A young executive was leaving the office at 6pm when he found the CEO (Chief Executive Officer) standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in hand.
"Listen," said the CEO, "this is important, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?"
"Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."