"Microsoft Clarifies Trademark Policies" joke

REDMOND, Washington-January 4, 1995-In response to customer
inquiries, Microsoft today clarified the naming policy for Bob(tm),
its new software product designed for computer beginners. Contrary
to rumors, Microsoft will not demand that all persons formerly named
"Bob" immediately select new first names.
"I don't know where these rumors come from," commented Steve
Balmer, Microsoft Executive Vice President for Worldwide Sales and
Support. "It's ridiculous to think Microsoft would force people
outside the computer industry to change their names. We won't, and
our licensing policies for people within the industry will be so
reasonable that the Justice Department could never question them."
Balmer said employees of other computer companies will be given the
opportunity to select new names, and will also be offered a
licensing option allowing them to continue using their former names
at very low cost.
The new licensing program, called Microsoft TrueName(tm), offers
persons who want to continue being known by the name Bob the option
of doing so, with the payment of a small monthly licensing fee and
upon signing a release form promising never to use OpenDoc. As an
added bonus, Bob name licensees will also be authorized to display
the Windows 95 logo on their bodies.
Persons choosing not to license the Bob name will be given a 60-day
grace period during which they can select another related name.
"We're being very lenient in our enforcement of the Bob trademark,"
said Bill Newkom, Microsoft's Senior Vice President of Law and
Corporate Affairs. "People are still free to call themselves
Robert, Robby, or even Rob. Bobby however is derivative of
Microsoft's trademark and obviously can't be allowed."
Microsoft also announced today that Bob(tm) Harbold, its Executive
Vice President and Chief Operating Officer, has become the first
Microsoft TrueName licensee and will have the Windows 95 logo
tattooed to his forehead.