Select Jokes

What's brown and white and flops on the beach? A Filipino and a seagull fighting over a fish! What is a Filipino's idea of devastation? It's where you catch de bus. How does a Filipino use "devastation" in a sentence? Hoy auntie, don't you have to go buy your ticket at "DEVASTATION"? (get it the bus station???) What's the difference between select and choose? ? Select is when you pick out something... choose is what Filipinos wear on their feet! !! What do you call a Filipino walking a dog? A vegetarian. What do you get when you cross a Filipino & Hawaiian? Somebody who loves to clean yard but no more land. There are three Santas on the Roof. Which one is the Filipino one? The one in the bunny suit.

REDMOND, Washington-January 4, 1995-In response to customer
inquiries, Microsoft today clarified the naming policy for Bob(tm),
its new software product designed for computer beginners. Contrary
to rumors, Microsoft will not demand that all persons formerly named
"Bob" immediately select new first names.
"I don't know where these rumors come from," commented Steve
Balmer, Microsoft Executive Vice President for Worldwide Sales and
Support. "It's ridiculous to think Microsoft would force people
outside the computer industry to change their names. We won't, and
our licensing policies for people within the industry will be so
reasonable that the Justice Department could never question them."
Balmer said employees of other computer companies will be given the
opportunity to select new names, and will also be offered a
licensing option allowing them to continue using their former names
at very low more...

If you do, here's a preview of the READ ME FIRST page
Congratulations on your purchase of Windows 98 (c), the latest version of the world's #1 computer operating system from Microsoft.
Before using your new software, please take the time to read these instructions carefully. Failure to do so may further limit the terms of the limited warranty. Windows 98 (c) represents a significant technological improvement over Microsoft's previous operating system, Windows 95 (c). You'll notice immediately that
"98" is a higher number than "95"
a better than 3 percent increase.
But that's not all. Windows 98 (c) contains many features not found in Windows 95 (c), or in any competing computer operating system, (if there are any of course).
Among the improvements:
faster storing and retrieving of files (not in all models),
enhanced "Caps Lock" and back-space functionality,
smoother handling,
less knocking and pinging,
an more...

* Start Ms-Excel
* Select New document
* Select Work-Book
* Press
* Enter X97: L97 and Click OK
* Press TAB onces
* By holding Shift+CTRL click the toolbar icon for "Chart"
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: -) E N J O Y (-:
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1. select Bait
2. select hole
3. pull out big rod
4. cast rod in
5. go upstream not down
6. pay for bait when finished
7. leave with chatch