Exit Jokes / Recent Jokes

"When you exit the bus, please be sure to lower your head and watch your step." "If you miss your step and hit your head, please lower your voice and watch your language. Thank you."

Dear Dogs and Cats,When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way.The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help, because I fall faster than you can run.I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this.Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort.Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping; they can actually curl up in a ball.It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and more...

A man was driving down the highway, and sees a sign saying "Sisters of Mercy, House of Prostitution, 10 miles"
Thinking it is some sort of joke, he pays no attention, until he sees a similar sign reading "Sister's of Mercy, House of Prostitution, 5 miles."
Still unsure, he drives on, until spotting a third sign saying "Sister's of Mercy, House of Prostitution, next exit". His curiosity getting the better of him, he takes the exit and parks his car outside the convent.
He knocks on the door, and tells the nun who answers "I saw your signs on the highway, are they for real?"
The nun answers "Yes", and tells him to give her $50 and follow her to a room.
He enters a room, and a second nun requests $50, and leads him to a door. Once he opnes the door, he is quickly shoved outside by the nun.
He finds himself behind the convent, where he sees the final sign, "Thank you for you contributions, you have just more...

HERS:

1. Pulls off at wrong exit.
2. opens window
3. asks directions of a knowledgeable police officer
4. Arrives at destination presently.

HIS:

1. Pulls off at wrong exit absolutely positive it's the correct one.
2. Drives five miles into wilderness, still thinks he's right.
3. Drives an extra 5 miles just in case.
4. finally rolls down window
5. hocks a loogie
6. pulls up to a 7 -11
7. gets three hot-dogs, a large slurpee, and beef jerky
8. Asks person behind counter how to get back onto the highway.
9. Gets back into car.
10. farts
11. after he closes the door.
12. laughs at the idea of looking at a map as he pulls away from the 7-11.
13. Drives down a dirt road with no street lights insisting this is the way back because guy from 7-11 said it was.
14. almost hits a deer
15. curses the night
16. curses you
17. curses the large slurpee
18. stops by the more...

A man was driving down the highway, and sees a sign saying ", House of Prostitution, 10 miles" Thinking it is some sort of joke, he pays no attention, until he sees a similar sign reading "Sister's of Mercy, House of Prostitution, 5 miles." Still unsure, he drives on, until spotting a third sign saying "Sister's of Mercy, House of Prostitution, next exit". His curiosity getting the better of him, he takes the exit and parks his car outside the convent. He knocks on the door, and tells the nun who answers "I saw your signs on the highway, are they for real?" The nun answers "Yes", and tells him to give her $50 and follow her to a room. He enters a room, and a second nun requests $50, and leads him to a door. Once he opnes the door, he is quickly shoved outside by the nun. He finds himself behind the convent, where he sees the final sign, "Thank you for you contributions, you have just been screwed by the. "

HERS:

Pulls off at wrong exit.
Opens window.
Asks directions from a knowledgeable police officer.
Arrives at destination presently.

HIS:

Pulls off at wrong exit absolutely positive it`s the correct one.
Drives five miles into wilderness, still thinks he`s right.
Drives an extra 5 miles just in case.
Finally rolls down window just to get fresh air.
Pulls up to a 7 -11.
Gets three hot-dogs, a large slurpee, and beef jerky.
Asks person behind counter how to get back onto the highway.
Gets back into car.
Laughs at the idea of looking at a map as he pulls away from the 7-11.
Drives down a dirt road with no street lights insisting this is the way back because guy from 7-11 said it was.
Almost hits a deer.
Curses the night.
Curses you.
Curses the large slurpee.
Drives and fiddles with radio.
Yells at you for suggesting the map again.
Admits he didn`t want to go to more...

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note that placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not mean it becomes your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm and disrespect.

For the last time, there is not a more...