Expect Jokes / Recent Jokes

[1] You can become an engineer if you go to an Engineering college, but don't expect to be a President going to the Presidency College!
[2] Expect a BUS at a BUS Stop, but Don't expect a FOOL at FULLSTOP(.)
[3] A Mechanical engineer becomes a mechanic then why not a software engineer become a software?
[4] Find keys in a Key board but do not expect a mother in mother board.
[5] Study anything you want and get a certificate in subject of your studies but don't expect a death certificate studying "Dying and Death."

You can't expect people to look eye to eye with you if you are looking down on them.

* Lerman's Law of Technology: Any technical problem can be overcome given enough time and money. Corollary: You are never given enough time or money.
* Murphy's First Law for Wives: If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then you add one more as an afterthought, he will forget two of the first five.
* Law of the Search: The first place to look for anything is the last place you would expect to find it. Corollary: It will not be in the last place you expect to find it.
* Kauffman's Paradox of the Corporation: The less important you are to the corporation, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed.
* The Salary Axiom: The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay.
* Miller's Law of Insurance: Insurance covers everything except what happens.
* First Law of Living: As soon as you start doing what you always wanted to be doing, you'll want to be doing more...

The Rules - Finally from a Male point of view!
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now
here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! And please
note. .. these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl.
If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear
us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not considered by us to be
opportunities to see if we can find the perfect present. . . . . . again!
1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than
short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that
married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.
1. Ask for more...

* Lerman's Law of Technology: Any technical problem can be overcome given enough time and money.Corollary: You are never given enough time or money.* Murphy's First Law for Wives: If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then you add one more as an afterthought, he will forget two of the first five.* Law of the Search: The first place to look for anything is the last place you would expect to find it.Corollary: It will not be in the last place you expect to find it.* Kauffman's Paradox of the Corporation: The less important you are to the corporation, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed.* The Salary Axiom: The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay.* Miller's Law of Insurance: Insurance covers everything except what happens.* First Law of Living: As soon as you start doing what you always wanted to be doing, you'll want to be doing something else.* Weiner's Law of Libraries: more...

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male
side. if you have already read some of these before it wont hurt to read them again.
Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up,
you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.
Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect
present yet again!
Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of
the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and
by then you're stuck with her.
Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
Crying is blackmail.
Ask for what you want. Let us be clear more...

Rules that guys wished girls knew..........
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.
3. Don't cut your hair. Ever.
4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see
if he can find the perfect present, again!
5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an
answer you don't want to hear.
6. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.
7. Don't ask him what he's thinking about unless you are prepared
to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and
monster trucks.
8. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like
every other cat.
9. Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.
10. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the
tides. Let it be.
11. Shopping is not sport.
12. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
13. You have enough more...