Expensive Jokes / Recent Jokes

The following information was gained through much arduous research
involving men and women from all backgrounds and walks of life. It
consists of the most frequently asked questions of women
(i. e. relationships, sex and life in general). All women who read this
are encouraged to use the wisdom contained therein to change their
behavior in accordance with the truths established below.
Q: How do I know if I'm ready for sex?
A: Ask your boyfriend. He'll know when the time is right. When it
comes to love and sex, men are much more responsible, since they're
not as emotionally confused as women. It's a proven fact.
Q: Should I have sex on the first date?
A: YES. Before if possible.
Q: What exactly happens during the act of sex?
A: Again, this is entirely up to the man. The important thing to
remember is that you must do whatever he tells you without question.
Sometimes, however, he may ask you to do certain things more...

As all of you are well aware, online computers are often used to engage in cybersex. Detailed and erotic fantasies are typed into the computer to be instantly transmitted over the Internet.
Sometimes these harmless fantasies become fairly raunchy. This is not the case with the following transcript of an actual on-line cybersex session.
Either this guy is clueless or has the greatest sense of humor known to mankind.
Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?
Sweetheart: I am wearing an expensive red silk blouse, a black leather mini skirt and high heeled boots. I am tanned and very buffed. I workout everyday. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?
Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 lb. I wear glasses and have on a pair of blue sweatpants I just bought at Walmart. I'm also wearing an old T-shirt, it's got some barbecue sauce stains on it and it smells kind of funny.
Sweetheart: I want you. Would you like to screw me?
Wellhung: more...

Most diets fail because we are still thinking and eating like people. For those us who have never had any success dieting. Well now there is the new Miracle Cat Diet! This diet will also work on humans! Except for cats that eat like people - such as getting lots of table scraps - most cats are long and lean (or tiny and petite). the Cat Miracle Diet will help you achieve the same lean, svelte figure. Just follow this diet for one week and you'll find that you not only look and feel better, but you will have a whole new outlook on what constitutes food. Good Luck!
DAY ONE
Breakfast: Open can of expensive gourmet cat food. Any flavor as long as it cost more the .75 per can - and place 1/4 cup on your plate. Eat 1 bite of food; look around room disdainfully. Knock the rest on the floor. Stare at the wall for awhile before stalking off into the other room.
Lunch: Four blades of grass and one lizard tail. Throw it back up on the cleanest carpet in your house.
Dinner: Catch more...

Most diets fail because we are still thinking and eating like people. For those us who have never had any success dieting. Well now there is the new Miracle Cat Diet! This diet will also work on humans! Except for cats that eat like people - such as getting lots of table scraps - most cats are long and lean (or tiny and petite). the Cat Miracle Diet will help you achieve the same lean, svelte figure. Just follow this diet for one week and you'll find that you not only look and feel better, but you will have a whole new outlook on what constitutes food. Good Luck! DAY ONE Breakfast: Open can of expensive gourmet cat food. Any flavor as long as it cost more the .75 per can - and place 1/4 cup on your plate. Eat 1 bite of food; look around room disdainfully. Knock the rest on the floor. Stare at the wall for awhile before stalking off into the other room. Lunch: Four blades of grass and one lizard tail. Throw it back up on the cleanest carpet in your house. Dinner: Catch a moth and play more...

There were 2 guys who were best friends, Bob and Carl, that went walking everyday past a very fancy restuarant made up of very clear, expensive glass. Well everytime they went by, they would always make jokes about the rich snobs who dined there (of course because they were jealous because they wanted to be in there eating the expensive food). So one day Bob made a bet with Carl that he could make half of the people throw up. As soon as Carl agreed on the bet, Bob went and put his boogers and some dog poop all over the glass and indeed half of the people did throw up. So Carl lost some money but wanted to get it back. So he made a bet the he could get the other half of the people to throw up. Bob thought there is no way of doing this but he did. Carl went up and licked it all off! And in the end they both broke even.
The End (lol)

Very expensive Barbie Doll
A man was driving home one evening and realized that it was his daughter's birthday and he hadn't bought her a present. He drove to the mall and ran to the toy store and he asked the store manager "How much is that new Barbie in the window?"
The Manager replied, "Which one? We have -
' Barbie goes to the gym'for $19. 95. ..
' Barbie goes to the Ball' for $19. 95. ..
' Barbie goes shopping for $19. 95. ..
' Barbie goes to the beach' for $19. 95...
' Barbie goes to the Nightclub' for $19. 95. ..
and' Divorced Barbie' for $375. 00."
"Why is the Divorced Barbie $375. 00, when all the others are $19. 95?" Dad asked surprised.
Simple..."Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's car, Ken's House, Ken's boat, Ken's dog, Ken's cat and Ken's furniture."

A Guide to Love and Sex for VirginsAs a young, modern virgin of the nineties, you no doubt have manyquestions concerning romance, love, even s.. e.. x. In this sensitive andfrank "question and answer" format, noted sex therapist Dr Ruth explainseverything you've ever wondered about. Q: Where can I find the man of my dreams? A: This is a difficult question, since every virgin probably has adifferent ideal of what their own personal Prince Charming should actand look like. However, when it comes to finding Mr Right, I can giveyou a good suggestion on where to start - and that's in a bar. That'sright, go to a bar... preferably the kind that smells of stale beer andlots of men crowded around watching a sports event on television. Pick aman that looks interesting - it's best to stay away from the shallow"pretty boys" in designer clothes with bulging muscles. Instead, Irecommend you pick somebody a little older and wiser, possiblyreassuring pot belly. Boldly approach more...