Experience Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was a horrible mistake at the hospital. A man who was scheduled for a vasectomy was instead given a sex change
operation. The doctors gathered at his bed afterwards to tell him the bad news.
"Ohhhh no!!!" the patient wailed, "I'll never be able to experience an erection again!"
"Of course you'll still be able to experience erections," replied one surgeon, "only it will have to be someone else's."

The following is supposedly a true story relating to an actual sailor's experience in the Army.After turning in from a four to eight watch the seaman overslept and missed muster. When questioned he said: "Due to my metabolic inability to cope with change I did not respond to external stimuli and remained in a comatose condition."The C.P.O., who didn't understand a word, listened to this report with awe and sent the sailor to the psychiatrist.

My wife and I are both the youngest child. Combine that with our own experience as parents and we often satirically talk about how things change as you have more children: Feeling the Baby MoveFirst Child: I placed my hand on my wive's tummy every chance I could for two months waiting for that first time when I could feel the baby move. Hours upon hours I waited until that magic moment when, I felt this little movement. We called all of our relatives to tell them about the blessed experience.Second Child: When it first happened, my wife called me at the office. I quickly ran home and felt the baby move. We included the experience in all of our letter to our family.Third Child: She told me the baby moved. I told her I would check it our during the next commercial break. I missed out because her mother called on the telephone so I went on watching Monday night football. By the end of the third quarter, I finally felt the baby move.Fourth Child: We were in bed and I was trying to sleep. more...

Three couples applied for membership to a new church, the pastor
explained, " First you must show your devotion to god by remaining
celibate for three weeks." The couples agreed that was not to much to
ask, and went on their way. Three weeks later the couples returned.
The pastor asked the first couple of their experience, to which they
replied, "The first week was most challenging, but with gods help, the
remaining two weeks were quite insightful."
"Bless you my children," the pastor replied with an approving smile,
"and welcome to our congregation." The pastor then looked to the
second couple and asked if they had grown from their experience as
well, to which they replied, "Well the first two weeks were sort-of
touch and go, if you know what I mean, but we figured it was for a
good cause and all... so we finally made it."
The pastor then looked upon the third couple more...

-- Gosh, you're lucky. I sure wish men could experience the miracle of childbirth. -- Do you think the baby will come before Monday Night Football starts? -- I hope your ready. The Glamour Shot photographer will be here in fifteen minutes. -- If you think this hurts, I should tell you about the time I twisted my ankle playing basketball. -- That was the kids on the phone. Did you have anything planned for dinner? -- When you lay on your back, you look like a python that swallowed a wild boar. -- You don't need an epidural. Just relax and enjoy the moment. -- This whole experience kind of reminds me of an episode from I Love Lucy. -- Oops! Which cord was I supposed to cut? -- Stop your swearing and just breathe. -- Remember what we learned in Lamaze class! HEE HEE HOO HOO. You're not using the right words. -- Your stomach still looks like there's another one in there.

Rossi was the manager of an upscale men's wear store in a wealthy section of town and was interviewing Abe for the recently advertised salesman role.
Rossi looks at Abe's resume and notices that Abe has never worked in retail before.
Rossi says to Abe, "What chutzpah, if you don't mind me saying. For someone with no retail experience, you are certainly asking for a high salary."
"Well I suppose I am," Abe replies, "but you must understand that the work is so much harder when you don't know what you're doing."

A motorist was on trial for hitting a pedestrian. His lawyer argued, "Your Honor, my client has been driving for over twenty-five years."
"Your Honor," the plaintiff's lawyer retored, "if this case is going to be judged by experience, may I remind you that my client has been walking for over sixty years!"