Extension Jokes / Recent Jokes
Dear Bank Manager,I am writing to thank you for bouncing the check with which I endeavoured to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations some three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check, and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honour it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire salary, an arrangement which, I admit, has only been in
place for eight years.You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account with $50 by way of penalty for the inconvenience I caused to your bank. My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to re-think my errant financial ways. You have set me on the path of fiscal righteousness.No more will our relationship be blighted by these unpleasant incidents, for I am restructuring my affairs in 2005, taking as my model the procedures, attitudes and conduct of your very bank. I can think of no greater more...
Dear Bank Manager,
I am writing to thank you for bouncing the check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations some three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check, and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire salary, an arrangement which, I admit, has only been in place for eight years.
You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account with $50 by way of penalty for the inconvenience I caused to your bank. My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to re-think my errant financial ways. You have set me on the path of fiscal righteousness.
No more will our relationship be blighted by these unpleasant incidents, for I am restructuring my affairs in the second half of 1999, taking as my model the procedures, attitudes and conduct of your very bank. I can more...
Rules for Buying Gifts for MenRule #1: When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why. Rule #2: If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the wordratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "OK. By-the-way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?" Again, no one knows why. Rule #3: If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A 99-cent ice scraper, a small bottle of de-icer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why. Rule #4: Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men bathrobes. I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts. Rule #5: You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones more...
Hotel LettersThe following letters were taken from an actual incident between aLondon hotel and one of its guests. The hotel submitted the letters to the London SundayTimes for their humor column....Dear Maid, Please do not leave any more of those little barsof soap in my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the sixunopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in theshower soap dish. They are in my way.Thank you,
S. BermanDear Room 635, I am not your regular maid. She will be backtomorrow, Thursday, from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dishas you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of yourKleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. This leaves only the 3 bars I lefttoday which my instructions from the management is to leave 3 soaps daily. I hope this issatisfactory.Kathy,
Relief MaidDear Maid, I hope you are my regular maid. more...
As Stated By Women
1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.
2. Extension to rule - So if you get one, be grateful.
3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw, it is not standard practice to cum on someone's face.
4. Extension to rule -No, I DON'T have to swallow.
5. My ears are NOT handles.
6. Extension to rule - do not push on the top of my head. Last I heard, deep throat had been done. And additionally, do you really WANT puke on your dick?
7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get, it is NEVER OK to fart.
8. Having my period does not mean that it's hummer week- get it through your head - I'm bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you just because YOU can't have sex right now.
9. Extension to - Blue Balls might have worked on high school girls- if you're that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my more...
Rudy Gay said the odds of him signing a contract extension are at 50-50. Those are the same odds that googling his name will bring you to a gay porn site.
The Top 10 Things Overheard In A Tax Preparer's Office Prior To The Tax Filing Deadline No sir, the government does not want you to pay your taxes in pennies. I have a hard time believing that a garbage collector made $150, 000 last year so for the last time, DID YOU HAVE ANY OTHER SOURCE OF INCOME!!! How cute... a tax form done in crayon. No sir, its do your taxes every year and renew your driver's license every 4 years, not the other way around. Just because you talk to your plants ma'am, you cannot, repeat CANNOT list them as your dependants. No Ms Lewinsky, your oval office "contributions" are not the same as when you check the dollar box at the top of your 1040 form. Even if you are a hooker, the number of orgasms you've had cannot count as a business expense. I'm sorry, I'm not sure I follow your "Give me an extension and I'll give you an extension later at my place" argument. I take it that because you have decided to do origami with your tax form that more...