Extra Jokes / Recent Jokes

A husband and wife were having difficulty surviving financially so they decided that the wife should try prostitution as an extra source of income. The husband drove her out to a popular corner and informed her he would be at the side of the building if she had any questions or problems.
A gentleman pulled up shortly after and asked her how much to go all the way. She told him to wait a minute and ran around the corner to ask her husband. The husband told her to tell the client $100. She went back and informed the client at which he cried, "That's too much!" He then asked, "How much for a handjob?" She asked him to wait a minute and ran to ask her husband how much.
The husband said "Ask for $40." The woman ran back and informed the client. He felt that this was an agreeable price and began to remove his pants and underwear. Upon the removal of his clothing the woman noticed that the man was well hung.
She asked him once more to wait a more...

Smaller or larger tuxedo

A friend got married and I, being the best man, decided a humorous practical joke was in order. One of the duties of the best man is to make arrangements for the pick up and return of the groom's tuxedo.

After final fitting, rent an extra coat jacket that is either three or four sizes smaller or larger than the groom's. Explain to the tux shop what you're up to. Pick up the groom's fitted coat, switch with the extra rented coat, and deliver to the groom only when it becomes time to actually get dressed.

The friend of mine wore a 42 long, but the one I provided was a 38 short. Talk about some serious fun! Don't reveal that you know anything as long as possible.

Write on the bottom of shoes

Someone once took a large black ink marker and wrote "Help" on the bottom of the groom's left shoe and "Me" on the bottom of the right shoe. So when he knelt down for his vows, the entire congregation more...

Statistics compiled by MAD Magazine Issue 228, January 1982. (Dated but still a relevant source). 40% - Presents. 6% - Presents with no useful functions. 4% - Presents with a function, but which will never be used. 10% - Presents the recipient will say they like, but really hate. 11% - Presents you really want for yourself, and plan to use after the intended recipients get tired of them. 6% - Presents for people you hate, but feel you have to buy for. -Presents the recipients will really like. 3% - T-shirts with writings on them. 21% - Decorations. 6% - Christmas tree (less if you're really cheap and wait till Dec. 24th to buy it!). 1% - Christmas tree lights to replace the ones that burned out last year. 1% - Christmas tree lights to replace the ones you stepped on this year. 2% - Christmas tree ornaments. 3% - Christmas tree ornaments hangers (includes the gas for that extra trip you always have to make back to store because there weren't enough hangers supplied with the ornaments). more...

My uncle Jack served in the late 60s on the aircraft carrier USS Ranger, CVA-61, in the Tonkin Gulf off the east coast of Vietnam. Having spent his youth with Ham radio, he became an electronics technician. He came aboard fresh from high school, Basic Training, and the US Navy’s radio repairman’s school.
In the radio shop, as probably elsewhere on the ship, in the Navy, and in military life in general, life is regulated by a strict hierarchy. In small organizational units, where the hierarchy is rather flat, the
pecking order must be decided by some means other than stripe count. In the Ranger’s radio repair shop, the man with the least seniority was assigned to arrive earlier in the morning to make the coffee, so it would be ready by the time the rest of the crew arrived.
The first morning out of port, the chief petty officer was giving him the shop tour, focusing closely on coffee-making procedures.
“Ya see kid, first ya put eight scoops of coffee in da more...

A friend got married and I, being the best man, decided a humorous practical joke was in order. One of the duties of the best man is to make arrangements for the pick up and return of the groom`s tuxedo.

After final fitting, rent an extra coat jacket that is either three or four sizes smaller or larger than the groom`s. Explain to the tux shop what you`re up to. Pick up the groom`s fitted coat, switch with the extra rented coat, and deliver to the groom only when it becomes time to actually get dressed.

The friend of mine wore a 42 long, but the one I provided was a 38 short. Talk about some serious fun! Don`t reveal that you know anything as long as possible

Teacher: Peter, why are you late for school again?

Peter: Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and the game went into extra time.

If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.
Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.
Use CB lingo where applicable.
Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.
Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."
Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.
Give them your address, exclaim "Oh, just surprise me!" and hang up.
Answer their questions with questions.
In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the crap about nutrition and ask if they have something outlandishly sinful.
Use these bonus words in the conversation: ROBUST, FREE-SPIRITED, COST-EFFICIENT, UKRAINIAN, PUCE.
Tell them to put the crust on top this time.
Sing the order to the tune of your favorite song from Metallica's "Master of Puppets" CD.
Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them more...