Extra Jokes / Recent Jokes
Uh huh... extra cheese
Uh huh, uh huh... save a piece for me
Pizza party at your house
I went just to check it out
Nineteen extra larges
What a shame
No one came
Just us eatin' all alone
You said, Take the pizza home
No sense lettin' all this go to waste
So then I faced
Pizza all day
And every day
This cheese 'round the clock
Is gettin' me blocked
And I sure don't care
For irregularity
Tell me
Why'd you have to go and make me so constipated?
'Cause right now I'd do anything to just get my bowels evacuated
In the bathroom... I sit and I wait and I strain
And I sweat and I clench and I feel the pain
Oh, should I take laxatives or have my colon irrigated?
No no no
I was feelin' pretty down
'Till my girlfriend came around
We're just so alike in every way
I gotta say
In fact, I just thought I might
Pop the question there that night
I was kissing her so tenderly
But more...
One day a woman had a 11:00am appointment at the gynecologist office and got woke out of bed around 8:30 by the phone and it was the gynecologist office saying that her appointment had been pushed up to 9:30.
Most woman take extra time to wash up on days that they have an appointment, but not today. She ran into the bathroom and found her daughters washcloth on the sink and did the quick rub down, raced over to the office and got undressed and got onto the table with her legs spread in the leg racks.
The doctor comes in and says "Wow, we spent extra time to clean up today!"
The woman was so embarrassed she says nothing and concludes the exam. She goes home and later that day her daughter asks her where her washcloth is and the mother says "Just get another one!"
The daughter says "No mom you don't understand, that is the one with my face glitter and sparkles in it".
A radio station routinely paid money for people to tell their most embarrassing stories. Here was one of the winners:
I was due later that week for an appointment with the gynecologists when early one morning I received a call from his office: I had been rescheduled for early that morning at 9:30am. I had just packed everyone off to work and school and it was around 8:45 already.
The trip to his office usually took about 35 minutes so I didn't have any time to spare. As most women do, I'm sure, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to make the full effort. So I rushed upstairs, threw off my dressing gown, wet the washcloth and gave myself a wash in "that area" in front of the sink, taking extra care to make sure that I was presentable. I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment.
I was in the waiting room only a few more...
Go the extra mile--It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.
One Sunday a pastor told his congregation that the church needed some extra money and asked the people to prayerfully consider giving a little extra in the offering plate. He said that whoever gave the most would be able to pick out three hymns.
After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had placed a $1,000 bill in offering. He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation and said he'd like to personally thank the person who placed the money in the plate.
A very quiet, elderly, saintly lady all the way in the back shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front. Slowly she made her way to the pastor.
He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much and in thanksgiving asked her to pick out three hymns.
Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation, pointed to the three handsomest men in the building and said, "I'll take him and him and him!"