Extremely Jokes / Recent Jokes

A "Husband Shopping Center" was opened where a woman could go to choose from among many men to be her husband. It was laid out in five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended up the floors.
The only rule was that once you opened the door to any floor, you must choose a man from that floor, and if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place.
So, a couple of girlfriends go to the place to find men.
First floor, the door had a sign saying: "These men have jobs and love kids."
The women read the sign and say: "Well that's better than not having jobs, or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?"
So up they go. Second floor says: "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking."
"Hmmm," say the girls, "But, I wonder what's further up?"
Third floor: "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good more...

A husband shopping center (Husband Mart) has just opened where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is comprised of six floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: ‘Floor 1 - These men have jobs.'The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?" So up she goes.The second floor sign reads: ‘Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.'
The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?" And up she goes again.The third floor r sign reads: ‘Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good more...

An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset. Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he figured that the latest episode was just that, so he stayed put.
Suddenly, however, he filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational.
In a complete loss of composure, he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.
A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. The drunk started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently, in an attempt to free himself of the sheets. He ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.
As the drunk stood there, staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard who had witnessed the entire incident, walked up to him and asked, what the hell is going on?
The drunk, still staring down at the sheets, replied, I think I just more...

KNOWLEDGE: __ Really knows what he`s doing. __ Knows just enough to be dangerous. __ Only half a brain and is dangerous. __ His coffee cup has a higher I. Q. _____________________________________________________ ACCURACY: __ Does excellent work is not preoccupied. __ Pretty good accuracy with large numbers. __ Must take off shoes to count above ten. __ What`s a number? _____________________________________________________ ATTITUDE: __ Extremely co-operative. __ Brown noser in good standing. __ Often annoys co-workers and fights. __ Doesn`t care, never did, never will. _____________________________________________________ RELIABILE: __ Works so hard he gets extra days off. __ Very dependable. __ Rely on his being first one out the door. __ Absolutely totally worthless. _____________________________________________________ APPEARANCE: __ Extremely neat and clean. __ Looks great on his day off. __ Flies take him over fresh manure. __ Dirt, filthy, smelly, and ugly. more...

An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset.
Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he figured that the latest episode was just that, so he stayed put.
Suddenly, however, he filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational. In a complete loss of composure, he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.
Banta was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. Banta started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently, in an attempt to free himself of the sheets. He ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.
As Banta stood there, staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard who had witnessed the entire incident, walked up to him and asked, "What the heck is going on?"
Banta, still staring down at the sheets, replied, "I think I just more...

An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, which had left his bodily systems extremely upset. Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put.He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational. In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet. As the drunk stood there staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard who watched the whole incident walked up and asked, "What the heck is going on?"The drunk, still staring down, replied: "I think I just beat the crap out of a ghost."

Universal resume translator
I know how to deal with stressful situationsI'm currently on long term Prozac treatments.
I am able to take the time to interact wellI take lots of cigarette and coffee breaks.
I have strong communication skillsI talk too much.
I'm proud of my organizational skillsI love to tell other people what to do.
I'm extremely adept at all manner of office organizationI've used Microsoft Office some.
I'm honest, hard-working and dependableI only pilfer office supplies.
My pertinent work experience includesTo say nothing of all the McJobs I've had.
I take pride in my workI blame others for my mistakes.
I'm balanced and centeredI keep crystals at my desk and do Tai Chi in the lunch room.
I have a good sense of humorI know a lot of corny, old jokes and tell them badly.
I'm personable and interested in othersI give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers.
I'm willing to relocateI've just been evicted again.
I more...