Eyes Jokes / Recent Jokes

A very drunk man goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender serves him and asks him if he would like to try the bar game of darts. Three in the bullseye and win a prize.. Only a dollar for three darts.
The drunk agrees and throws the first dart. A bullseye! Downs another drink, takes aim on wobbly feet, lets go...Two bulls eyes!!! Two more quick drinks go down. Barely able to stand, he lets go with the last dart.
Three bulls eyes!!!
All are astounded. No one has ever won. The bartender searches for a prize... grabs a turtle from the bar's terrarium and presents it to the drunk as his prize.
Three weeks pass... The drunk returns and orders more drinks, then announces he would like to try the dart game again. To the total amazement and wonderment of all the local drunks, he scores three more bulls eyes and demands his prize.
The bartender, being a sort of drunk himself, and a bit short of memory, doesn't know what to give, and he asks the drunk " Say, more...

I looked into a blondes eyes, but all I saw was the back of her head!

Math student `s Love Letter!!!
My Dear Love,
Yesterday, I was passing by your rectangular house in
trigonometric lane. There I saw you with your cute circular
face, conical nose and spherical eyes, standing in your
triangular garden.
Before seeing you, my heart was a null set, but when a
Vector of magnitude (likeness) from your eyes at a
deviation of theta radians made a tangent to my heart,
it differentiated.
My love for you is a quadratic equation with real roots,
which only you can solve by making good binary relation
with me. The cosine of my love for you extends to infinity.
I promise that I should not resolve you into partial functions
but if I do so, you can integrate me by applying the limits
from zero to infinity.
You are as essential to me as an element to a set. The
geometry of my life revolves around your acute personality.
My love, if you do n ot meet me at parabola restaurant more...

Once upon a time there was a Prince who, through no fault of his own was cast under a spell by an evil witch. The curse was that the Prince could speak only one word each year. However, he could save up the words so that if he did not speak for a whole year, then the following year he was allowed to speak two words. One day he met a beautiful princess. She had ruby lips, golden hair and sapphire eyes. He fell madly in love. With the greatest difficulty he decided to refrain from speaking for two whole years so that he could look at her and say "my darling". But at the end of the two years he wished to tell her that he loved her. So he waited three more years without speaking, bringing the total number of silent years to 5. But at the end of these five years he realized that he had to ask her to marry him. So he waited ANOTHER four years without speaking. Finally as the ninth year of silence ended, his joy knew no bounds. Leading the lovely princess to the most secluded and more...

What`s the best form of birth control after 50?
Nudity

What`s the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
45 lbs.

What`s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
45 minutes.

What`s the fastest way to a man`s heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can`t stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

What`s the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

Why does the bride always wear white?

Because it`s good for the dishwasher to match more...

A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks was having trouble with one of
her students.
The teacher asked, "Harry what is your problem?" Harry
answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the
third -grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in
the third-grade too!"
Ms Brooks had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to
the principal what the situation was.
The principal told Ms Brooks he would give the boy a test and if
he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the
first-grade and behave.
She agreed.
Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him
and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Harry: "9".
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Harry: "36".
And so it went with every question the principal thought more...

A salesman for a new firm had had a very bad week. Endless meetings in a half dozen cities, no sales. He was bummed and just wanted to relax on his flight home from Kansas City. Luckily, it looked like he had all three seats to himself in his row and he gratefully closed his eyes awaiting take off.
At the last minute, another passenger plopped down beside him. "Great, just great" he thought to himself. But then he opened his eyes and looked to see an absolutely gorgeous woman, blonde, green eyes, maybe 5 foot 4 inch, nicely built, well groomed and well dressed. Hmm, he thought, maybe my luck is going to change. She also still had a nametag on from something. So he turned to her and said "Hi, Masra. Are you traveling alone?"
She laughed and said "Oh, that's not my name. I was the keynote speaker at a convention today and forgot to take the silly thing off. It stands for Midwest American Sexual Response Association."
"Keynote huh? That more...