Facts Jokes / Recent Jokes
Interesting Facts
*The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one mile in every five must be straight. These straight sections are usable as airstrips in times of war or other emergencies.
* The Boston University Bridge (on Commonwealth Avenue, Boston, Massachusetts) is the only place in the world where a boat can sail under a train driving under a car driving under an airplane.
* Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, while dogs only have about ten.
* Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
* David Prowse, was the guy in the Darth Vader suit in Star Wars. He spoke all of Vader's lines, and didn't know that he was going to be dubbed over by James Earl Jones until he saw the screening of the movie.
* Many hamsters only blink one eye at a time.
* In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.
* Barbie's measurements if she were life size: 39-23-33.
* February 1865 is the only month in more...
THE FACTS OF LIFE
The 2 most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Money can't buy happiness...But it sure makes misery easier to live with.
Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.
A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.
If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.
The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
Dave's Law: You can't fall off the floor.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Vital papers more...
THE FACTS OF LIFEThe 2 most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. Money can't buy happiness...But it sure makes misery easier to live with. Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check. A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn. It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats. Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn. If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.Dave's Law: You can't fall off the floor.The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from where you left more...
Birds of a feather flock together and shit on your car. Raising teenagers is like trying to nail Jell-O to a tree. There’s always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don’t hurt. If you can remain calm, you don’t have all the facts. Eat a live toad first thing in the morning, and nothing worse can happen to you the rest of the day. Follow your dream! Unless it’s the one where you’re at work in your underwear during a fire drill. Always take time to stop and smell the roses and sooner or later, you’ll inhale a bee.
Calls people to ask them their phone number. Can be outwitted by a jar of Marshmallow Fluff. Can discern facts and form predictions with the acumen of an economist. Can easily be confused with facts. Can only remember her old passwords. Can only shoot pool with a left-handed cue stick. Can't distinguish jacking off and stropping a razor. Can't find log base two of 65536 without a calculator. Can't program his way out of a for-loop. Car's only got three wheels, and one's going flat. Carrier wave unmodulated. Carries a tire gauge in her purse. Cart can't hold all the groceries. Cauliflower for brains. Changes hands and picks up a stroke. Charming as a carbuncle. Cheats when filling out opinion polls. Cheezwiz for brains. Chimney's clogged. Clock doesn't have all its numbers. Collects cards for Craig. Communications with him is limited to ping. Confused as a baby in a topless bar. Consumes hard drugs as vitamins. Contributes to collections like this one without searching first to see if more...
First get your facts; then you can distort them at your leisure. — Mark Twain