Facts Jokes / Recent Jokes

Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes.
There's too much fraternizing with the enemy.

There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot.

Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in?
I think that's how dogs spend their lives.

Don't worry about the world ending today...
It's already tomorrow in Australia. (unless you're in Australia -then start worrying)

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

Character is what you are.
Reputation is what people think you are.

Drive carefully, It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.

A loser is a window washer on the 44th floor who steps back to admire his work.

A man usually feels better after a few winks, especially if she winks back.

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

The facts, although more...

General Musharaf, President of Pakistan was awoken at 4am by the
telephone.
"Jannab, its the Minister of Health here. Sorry to bother you at this hour but there is an emergency! I've just received word that the Durex factory in Rawalpindi has burned to the ground. It is estimated that the entire Pakistani supply of condoms will be gone by the end of the week."
Musharaf: "What a disaster! The economy will never be able to cope with all those unwanted babies- we'll be ruined!"
Minister: "We're going to have to ship some condoms in from abroad..."
Musharaf: "Afghanistan...?"
Minister: "No chance!! The tabloids will have a field day on this one!"
Musharaf: "What about India?"
Minister: "Maybe- but we don't want them to know that we are stuck. Call the Indian Prime Minister, Singh- tell him we need one million condoms; colored gold and green; ten inches long and eight inches thick! That more...

25 facts of life

1. The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it.

2. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight-saving time.

3. People who feel the need to tell you that they have an excellent sense of humor are telling you that they have no sense of humor.

4. The most valuable function performed by the federal government is entertainment.

5. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

6. A penny saved is worthless.

7. They can hold all the peace talks they want, but there will never be peace in the Middle East. Billions of years from now, when Earth is hurtling toward the Sun and there is nothing left alive on the planet except a few microorganisms, the microorganisms living in the Middle East will more...

If facts do not conform to the theory, they must be disposed of.

Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes.
There's too much fraternizing with the enemy.
There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot.
Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in?
I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
Don't worry about the world ending today...
It's already tomorrow in Australia. (unless you're in Australia -then start worrying)
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
Character is what you are.
Reputation is what people think you are.
Drive carefully, It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.
A loser is a window washer on the 44th floor who steps back to admire his work.
A man usually feels better after a few winks, especially if she winks back.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.
There is always one more imbecile than you counted more...

Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes.There's too much fraternizing with the enemy.There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot.Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.Don't worry about the world ending today...It's already tomorrow in Australia. (unless you're in Australia -then start worrying)Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.Character is what you are.Reputation is what people think you are.Drive carefully, It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.A loser is a window washer on the 44th floor who steps back to admire his work.A man usually feels better after a few winks, especially if she winks back.Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.A man who says marriage is a 50-50 proposition doesn't understand two more...

Every time I think about exercise, I lie down ’til the thought goes away. God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind, I will live forever. It’s frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions. If you can remain calm, you just don’t have all the facts. I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart. There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is already full. The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. Time may be a great healer, but it’s also a lousy beautician. The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes. The nice part of living in a small town is that when I don’t know what I’m doing, someone else does.