Failing Jokes / Recent Jokes

Santa on Trial
You are accused, Mr. Santa Claus, alias Saint Nick, alias Kris Kringle, age unknown, of no fixed abode, with the following charges:
Failing to apply for landed immigrant status from Finland to the North Pole
Crossing the Canadian-USA border illegally on December 25 of each year as far back as records go
Failing to operate a union toy shop, and not paying your elves and dwarfs the minimum wage, provide paid vacations and wages at time and a half for more than 40 hour work weeks, or meeting the standards of the Worker's Compensation Boards Failing to transmit unemployment insurance payments, income tax deductions and Canada Pension payments to the proper authorities on behalf of your employees
You are accused of the illegal entry of millions of Canadian homes on December 25 of each year
Violating the Federal Anti-Combines Investigation Act by operating a tight monopoly
Failing to file a flight plan for your travels
Failing to equip your more...

You’ll no longer have to suffer the disappointment of thwarted ambitions – you no longer have any. You can finally sell those dreadful diet and exercise books that have sat unopened on the bookshelf for years. You’ll be the champ at history questions in the pub quiz. You can embarrass your family by entering glamorous granny or good-looking grandfather competitions. You don’t need to make an effort anymore – people will expect you to be frumpy, boring and cantankerous. Your failing memory allows you to convince yourself that you’re a super sex machine. You’ll be able to talk incessantly about the good old days. Your failing eyesight saves you the anguish of seeing your disintegrating body.

A College football team was on a winning streak, until they found out that their star QB was failing English. The QB couldn't play until he brought his grade up to a C. The other players on the team were desperate for him to play in the championship, so they asked his English professor for extra credit. He agreed and called in the QB. The professor said: "I will give you a simple spelling test and if you pass, I will raise your grade. In fact if you get one word right, I will raise the grade." So the QB takes the test and gets every single word wrong. He begged the professor for one more chance. The professor agreed and told him that if he could get one letter in the word that was given to him right, he would have a C in English. The word was coffee. The football player responded, "This is easy, kauphy!"

REDMOND, WASHINGTON - In an effort to dispell confusion surrounding Microsoft's upcoming new version of Windows, Microsoft annouced today that it would rename the upgrade - formerly known as Windows 95 - to WinEver.
"There seemed to be a great deal of anxiety about when the product would ship. We felt it was in the best interest of our users to free them from this anxiety," said a Microsoft spokesperson who requested to remain anonymous.
Industry analysts were quick to praise the decision. "WinEver will free Windows users from space and time constraints. It also gives Windows a new timeless quality", said a member of Ziff-Davis Publishing's Editorial Staff. "This is precisely why OS/2 is failing in the marketplace - they have failed to deliver a strategy for their product."
When asked when WinEver would be available, a Microsoft spokesperson said "Whenever." The spokesperson added "It really doesn't matter since WinEver is more...

Santa singh was failing in his maths exam for the past 5 years and the teachers there wanted to get him passed some how. So they decided that in the next exam they will ask him a very easy question.
On the day of the exam which was held in a huge auditorium where there were many of his sardar friends he was called on the stage and asked. "What is 2+2? "
Santa Singh thougth for a long time and finally said 4.
On his answer all his sardar friends stood up and shouted "PLEASE GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE".