Fails Jokes

When all else fails, read the instructions.

On December 16th, former Washington D.C. mayor Marion Barry was stopped by Park Police and arrested for driving with a suspended license.
Police also charged Barry with wearing white after Labor Day.
Barry is considering suing the government saying he was humiliated and severely inconvenienced.


After a brief look at the kind of year Barry's had..

November 14, 2006: Barry Pleads Not Guilty To DUISeptember 11, 2006: Marion Barry Detained By PoliceAugust 7, 2006: Barry Facing More Legal WoesMay 12, 2006: Police: Former Mayor Fails Field Sobriety TestMarch 9, 2006: Marion Barry Sentenced On Tax ChargesFebruary 27, 2006: Barry Shows Off Gasifier MachineFebruary 8, 2006: Federal Judge Postpones Barry SentencingFebruary 7, 2006: Marion Barry Heads Back To CourtJanuary 11, 2006: Marion Barry Fails Drug TestPark Police said they would counter-sue saying it was really inconvenient to have to lock this knucklehead up every other month.

SYMPTOM: Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction, beer is unusually pale and clear. FAULT: Glass empty. ACTION: Find someone who will buy you another beer.
SYMPTOM: Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction, and the front of your shirt is wet. FAULT: Mouth not open when drinking or glass applied to wrong part of face. ACTION: Buy another beer and practice in front of mirror. Drink as many as needed to perfect drinking technique.
SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet. FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle. ACTION: Turn glass other way up so that open end points toward ceiling.
SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet. FAULT: Improper bladder control. ACTION: Go stand next to nearest dog. After a while complain to the owner about its lack of house training and demand a beer as compensation.
SYMPTOM: Floor blurred. FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass. ACTION: Find someone who will buy you another beer.
SYMPTOM: Floor swaying. FAULT: Excessive air turbulence, more...

Back during the Solidarity days, I heard that the following joke was
being told in Poland:
A man goes into the Bank of Gdansk to make a deposit. Since he has
never kept money in a bank before, he is a little nervous.
"What happens if the Bank of Gdansk should fail?" he asks.
"Well, in that case your money would be insured by the Bank of Warsaw."
"But, what if the Bank of Warsaw fails?"
"Well, there'd be no problem, because the Bank of Warsaw is insured by
the National Bank of Poland."
"And if the National Bank of Poland fails?"
"Then your money would be insured by the Bank of Moscow."
"And what if the Bank of Moscow fails?"
"Then your money would be insured by the Great Bank of the Soviet
Union."
"And if that bank fails?"
"Well, in that case, you'd lose all your money. But, wouldn't it be
worth it?"
David-Fiske

When all else fails, follow the instructions.