Fails Jokes / Recent Jokes

Symptom: Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; shirt front is wet.
Fault: Mouth not open when drinking or glass being applied to wrong part of face.
Solution: Buy another pint and practice in front of a mirror. Continue with as many pints as necessary until drinking technique is perfected. Symptom: Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; beer unusually
pale and clear.
Fault: Glass is empty.
Solution: Find someone who will buy you another pint. Symptom: Room is spinning.
Fault: Somebody is spinning your barstool.
Solution: Vomit on person doing the spinning. Symptom: Feet cold and wet.
Fault: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
Solution: Turn glass so that open end is pointing at ceiling. Symptom: Feet warm and wet.
Fault: Loss of self-control.
Solution: Go and stand beside nearest dog. After a while complain to its owner about its lack of house training. Symptom: Lap cool and wet.
Fault: Drooling on more...

Symptom: Drinking fails to give satisfaction and shirt front is wet.
Fault: Mouth not open when drinking or glass being applied to wrong part of face.
Solution: Buy another pint and practice in front of a mirror. Continue with as many pints as necessary until drinking technique is perfect.

Symptom: Drinking fails to give satisfaction and beer unusually pale and clear.
Fault: Glass is empty.
Solution: Find someone who will buy you another pint.


Symptom: Feet cold and wet.
Fault: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
Solution: Turn glass so that open end is pointing at ceiling.

Symptom: Feet warm and wet.
Fault: Loss of self-control.
Solution: Go and stand beside nearest dog. After a while complain to its owner about its lack of house training.

Symptom: Lap cool and wet.
Fault: Drooling on yourself.
Solution: Change position so that you are drooling on someone else.

Symptom: Bar more...

There was two white guys thinking about creating a bunji jumping buissiness in mexico. So they head on to mexico and they start to build a tall building for their bunji jump. Then a bunch of mexican people gather around to see whats goin on, and one of the white guys test the bunji jump. The first time he jumps, he comes back up with scratches. Then the second time he comes back with even more scrtches. The other white guy fails to ctch him the third time. then he comes up with bruises and he fails to catch him the 4th time then he comes up almost unconcious. Soon he catches him he asks him” was the bunji too long” then the other guy said “”NO BUT WHATS A FREAKIN PINATA!? ”

Symptom: Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; shirt front is wet.
Fault: Mouth not open when drinking or glass being applied to wrong part
of face.
Solution: Buy another pint and practice in front of a mirror. Continue with
as many pints as necessary until drinking technique is perfect.
Symptom: Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; Beer unusually pale
and clear.
Fault: Glass is empty.
Solution: Find someone who will buy you another pint.
Symptom: Feet cold and wet.
Fault: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
Solution: Turn glass so that open end is pointing at ceiling.
Symptom: Feet warm and wet.
Fault: Loss of self-control.
Solution: Go and stand beside nearest dog - After a while complain to its
owner about its lack of house training.
Symptom: Bar blurred.
Fault: You are looking through the bottom of your empty glass.
Solution: Find someone who will buy you another pint.
Symptom: Bar more...

A drunk leaves a bar and decides to take a shortcut through a graveyard. It is raining heavily and very dark.
The drunk fails to see an open grave and falls into it. He tries to climb out of it, but it is too deep and the rain has turned the dirt to mud and has made it too slippery to climb. He gives up after a while and decides to spend the night there.
A while later, another drunk leaves the same bar and decides to take the same shortcut through the graveyard. He, too, falls into that open grave and tries to climb out but the mud is too slippery.
The first drunk is still sitting there and watches as the other drunk tries but fails to get out.
The first drunk stands up, taps the second drunk on the shoulder and tells him, "You'll never get out!".
But he did.