Fake Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q: Why do so many women fake orgasm?
A: Because so many men fake foreplay.
On my way home from the second job I’ve taken for the extra holiday cash I need, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat. In my wallet is a $50 bill and a $2 bill. That is all of the cash I have on my person. I figure that with a $2 bill, I can get something to eat and not have to worry about people getting upset with me.
ME: “Hi, I’d like one seven layer burrito please, to go. ”
IT: “Is that it? ”
ME: “Yep. ”
IT: “That’ll be $1. 04, eat here? ”
ME: “No, it’s *to* *go*. ” [I hate effort duplication.]
At his point I open my billfold and hand him the $2 bill. He looks at it kind of funny and says
IT: “Uh, hang on a sec, I’ll be right back. ”
He goes to talk to his manager, who is still within earshot. The following conversation occurs between the two of them.
IT: “Hey, you ever see a $2 bill? ”
MG: “No. A what? ”
IT: “A $2 bill. This guy just gave it to me. ”
MG: “Ask for more...
A guy in Miami who was in charge of the elections in 2000, is fired for the fiasco, so he decides to get into fake money business. Trying to be original, he prints a lot of new 90 dollar bills! He then tries to see if people would know the bills are fake. He enters a shop and goes to the cash:
-" Can you please break this 90 dollar bill for me?"
-" I am sorry sir, I can not, but I will ask the manager. By the way, do you want three 30 dollar bills or two 45 dollar ones?"
I will not waste chalk
I will not skateboard in the halls
I will not burp in class
I will not instigate revolution
I will not draw naked ladies in class
I did not see Elvis
I will not call my teacher a Hot Cakes'
Garlic gum is not funny
They are laughing at me, not with me
I will not yell "fire" in a crowded classroom
I will not encourage others to fly
I will not fake my way through life
Tar is not a plaything
I will not Xerox my butt
I will not trade pants with others
I will not do that thing with my tongue
I will not drive the principal's car
I will not pledge allegiance to Bart
I will not sell school property
I will not cut corners
I will not get very far with this attitude
I will not make flatulent noises in class
I will not belch the National Anthem
I will not sell land in Florida
I will not grease the monkey bars
I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment
I will not more...
Get one of those fake hands that you can hang out of your car trunk.
Paint a red/brown splotch on the back of the hand.
Drive a large nail through the hand, palm first.
Stick it under your trunk lid, per instructions.
Place a bumper sticker under the hand reading: "I FOUND JESUS!"