Fall Jokes / Recent Jokes

If you drop a buttered piece of bread, it will fall on the floor butter-side down. If a cat is dropped from a window or other high and towering place, it will land on its feet. But what if you attach a buttered piece of bread, butter-side up to a cat's back and toss them both out the window? Will the cat land on its feet? Or will the butter splat on the ground?

Even if you are too lazy to do the experiment yourself, you should be able to deduce the obvious result. The laws of butterology demand that the butter must hit the ground, and the equally strict laws of feline aerodynamnics demand that the cat cannot smash its furry back. If the combined construct were to land, nature would have no way to resolve this paradox. Therefore it simply does not fall.

That's right, you clever mortal, you have discovered the secret of anti-gravity!! A buttered cat, will, when released, quickly move to a height where the forces of cat-twisting and butter-repulsion are in more...

A female doctor can't fall asleep. the conscience and mind are discussing in her.
The conscience: - how can you sleep after you were unfaithful to your husband!
The mind: - it depends on husbands! if your husband is always busy, he has no time for sex; even the holy wife will be unfaithful. you were right, my dear... hush and sleep...
The conscience: - adultery differs! f****** with a patient is unprofessional!
The mind: - yes, but remember mary from the near by hospital. she always has sex with her patients everybody is satisfied and pleased.
The conscience becomes silent. the woman falls asleep... and suddenly the
Conscience starts again with sarcastic whisper: - yes, but mary is not a veterinary...

Q. Why did the dog fall out of the tree? A. Because it was dead
Q Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? A. Because it was stapled to the dog!
Q. Why did the tree fall over? A. Because it thought it was a game.

A man named Jack was walking along a steep cliff one day, when he accidentally got too close to the edge and fell. On the way down he grabbed a branch, which temporarily stopped his fall. He looked down and to his horror saw that the canyon fell straight down for more than a thousand feet.
He couldn't hang onto the branch forever, and there was no way for him to climb up the steep wall of the cliff. So Jack began yelling for help, hoping that someone passing by would hear him and lower a rope or something.
"HELP! HELP! Is anyone up there? "HELP!"
He yelled for a long time, but no one heard him. He was about to give up when he heard a voice. "Jack, Jack, can you hear me?"
"Yes, yes! I can hear you. I'm down here!"
"I can see you, Jack. Are you all right?"
"Yes, but who are you, and where are you?"
"I am the Lord, Jack. I'm everywhere."
"The Lord? You mean, GOD?"
"That's more...

What will fall on the lawn first? An autumn leaf or a Christmas catalogue?

As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill Sergeant said, "All right! All you idiots fall out."
As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention.
The Drill Instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow. The soldier smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh, sir?"

Q: How many alien life forms does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Yeah, wouldn't the guys at SETI like to know *that*!

Note: SETI = Search for Extra-Terrestrial Intelligence.

Q: Why did the lightbulb fall out of the tree?
A: Because it was doing an impersonation of the sun, setting.

Q: Why did the lightbulb fall out of the tree?
A: Because Christmas tree decorations are always cheap and nasty.

Q: How many lightbulbs does it take to change a dyslexic?
A: One. It isn't too easy.

Q: How many dyslexics does it take to bulb a light change?
A: 10, one to change the light bulb and 9 to misread the manual.

Q: How many dyslexics does it take to bulb a light change?
A: Eno.

Q: How does an engineer change a lightbulb?
A: As long as lighting levels are within operational parameters, he doesn't!

Q: How many chess grandmasters does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: more...