False Jokes / Recent Jokes

While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my four-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers, and wheelchairs.
One day, I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"

During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day. He went up to the bartender and said, "Bartender, I'd like to buy the house a round of drinks."
The bartender said, "That's fine, but we're in the middle of the Depression, so I'll need to see some money first."
The guy pulled out a huge wad of bills and set them on the bar. The bartender can't believe what he's seeing. "Where did you get all that money?" asked the bartender.
"I'm a professional gambler," replied the man.
The bartender said, "There's no such thing! I mean, your odds are fifty-fifty at best, right?"
"Well, I only bet on sure things," said the guy.
"Like what?" asked the bartender.
"Well, for example, I'll bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my right eye," he said.
The bartender thought about it. "Okay," he said.
So, the guy pulled out his false right eye and more...

The following is a true story. . .

An anonymous girl, lets call her Jen, is a junior in college attending school in Colorado, like all college students, she is wrapped up in the partying and the wildness college life has to offer. Jen being the computer science major that she is does however have a lot of work to do on her computer so when she's not out having a good time, she's working her but off desining computer programs and installing software.

One day, soon after she had broken up with her boyfriend, she was home alone on a friday night for the first time in the three years they had been dating. she was sad alone and depressed, so she decided to make a new homepage. she was playing on the net when she decided to get onto a chat line, being the wild psycho she is she decided to get onto a sex line. So Jen got onto a sex chat line and started playing around on it.

Over the line, she met a guy who identified himself as Jeremy, she started playing more...

A blonde reports for her university final exam which consists of mainly true and false questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet: true for heads and false for tails. Within thirty minutes she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is still working furiously.
During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is happening.
"I finished the exam in a half hour," she replies. "Now I'm rechecking my answers."

A blonde reports for her university final exam which consists of mainly true and false questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet: true for heads and false for tails. Within thirty minutes she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is still working furiously.During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is happening."I finished the exam in a half hour," she replies. "Now I'm rechecking my answers."

Harry is at a banquet and keeps complaining that his false teeth are hurting him. The guy sitting to his left reaches into his pocket and pulls out a set of dentures. He hands them to Harry and says, "Try these."
Harry tries them, and says, "Thanks anyway, but they're too tight." The guy pulls out another set and hands them to Harry. They fit perfectly, so Harry wears them for the entire night. At the end of the banquet, Harry hands them back to the guy and says, "They fit me perfectly. Are you a dentist?"
The guy says, "No, I'm an undertaker."

a blonde brunett and a redhead were all about to die. so first comes the brunett and the killers say ready aim and she yells earthquake so they all run and duck for cover she escapes.
so they all come back after they found out it was a false alarm. and now its the red heads turn ready aim and she yells tornado again they all run and duck for cover.
once they find out its a false alarm they come back. now its the blondes turn and they say ready aim and she screams fire.