Family Jokes / Recent Jokes

1. You have been on-line for 46 minutes. Do you want to stay on-line? Please respond within 10 minutes, or you will be logged off.
2. You have been on-line 135 minutes. Not to put any pressure on you, but there are OTHER people in the world who would like to sign on. Let's show some consideration for our fellow members and sign off, WHADDYA SAY?
3. You DO realize that you have been on-line for 180 minutes, right? When was the last time you went outside?
4. OK, this is getting ridiculous. Frankly, you're starting to upset us! If you sign off now, we'll bring back your buddy list, OK?
5. You have been on-line for 360 minutes now! We promised you unlimited time, we know, but can't you just finish up and go read a good book?!
6. You have been on-line for 467 minutes. Do you remember your family members names?
7. You have been on-line for 513 minutes. Your spouse has left and your dog is starving. Do you wish to remain on-line?
8. You have been on-line for 724 more...

Prison life versus a full-time job

In prison you spend the majority of your time in an 8' X 10' cell.

At work you spend most of your time in a 6' X 8' cubicle.

In prison you get three meals a day.

At work you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for that one.

In prison you get time off for good behavior.

At work you get rewarded for good behavior with more work.

In prison a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.

At work you must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.

In prison you can watch TV and play games.

At work you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

In prison they ball-and-chain you when you go somewhere.

At work you are just ball-and-chained.

In prison you get your own toilet.

At work you have to share.

In prison they allow your family and friends to more...

1. You have been on-line for 46 minutes. Do you want to stay on-line? Please respond within 10 minutes, or you will be logged off.2. You have been on-line 135 minutes. Not to put any pressure on you, but there are OTHER people in the world who would like to sign on. Let's show some consideration for our fellow members and sign off, WHADDYA SAY? 3. You DO realize that you have been on-line for 180 minutes, right? When was the last time you went outside? 4. OK, this is getting ridiculous. Frankly, you're starting to upset us! If you sign off now, we'll bring back your buddy list, OK? 5. You have been on-line for 360 minutes now! We promised you unlimited time, we know, but can't you just finish up and go read a good book?! 6. You have been on-line for 467 minutes. Do you remember your family members names? 7. You have been on-line for 513 minutes. Your spouse has left and your dog is starving. Do you wish to remain on-line? 8. You have been on-line for 724 minutes. Steve Case is coming more...

What two members of the cow family go everywhere with you? Your calves!

One day the Mexican maid announced to her boss's wife that she was quitting. When asked why, she replied, "I am in the family way."
The wife was both surprised and shocked, and asked who it was.
The maid replied, "Your husband and your son."
This time, the wife was horrified and demanded an explanation.
"Well," the maid explained, "I go to the library to clean it and you husband say,' You are in the way'. I go to the living room to clean and you son say' You are in my way'. So I'm in the family way and I quit."

A blonde was driving across several states to go visit her family. She was five hours late and her family was getting worried. When she finally got there she explained that she had seen 10 signs that said "CLEAN RESTROOMS AHEAD..." Blonde
Blonde panel beater "A blonde was driving back from the mall when there was a terrible hail storm. Huge hail stones the size of golf balls pelted her car leaving it full of dents.
She drove to the body shop and asked what she should do.
The body man explained what needed to be done and that it would cost at least $4000 to repair.
She said that was too much and wasn't there some other way to fix it.
The body man decided to have a little fun and said "Well you could blow into the tail pipe real hard and they might pop back out"
She decided to give it a try before spending that much money.
She drove home and was in the garage with her lips wrapped around the exhaust pipe when her blonde neighbor came more...

During the Irish Potato famine, a young Irish-Catholic woman was worried about the poverty of her family. She told her parents that she was going to America to seek her fortune. With many tears, they let her go.
Years passed, and the woman returned home. She arrived in a private jet, dressed in a gorgeous designer gown, with dazzling, expensive jewelry. Her family was stunned by their daughter's wealth, and a more than a little curious at how she had come by it. The daughter finally confessed. "I hate to tell you this, but the reason I became so rich was because I became a prostitute."
Her father immediately collapsed in shock. The doctor was called, and he began to help the man. As the daughter wept at her father's bedside, she sobbed, "I didn't realize he would be so disappointed to hear I became a prostitute!"
The father sat bolt upright. "Prostitute?!" he exclaimed. "I thought you said 'Protestant'!"