Fan Jokes / Recent Jokes
Two young boys were playing football in a park in Washington D, C, one pretty day, and as they were playing a huge Rottwieller came from no where and attacked one of the boys.
The other boy, seeing his best friend was in serious trouble, pried a board loose from a nearby bench and went to help his buddy. He took the board and put it under the collar of the dog, pried up and twisted it, breaking the dogs neck, killing him instantly.
A local newspaper reporter saw what happened and went over to interview the hero. He asked the boy if he was a football fan and was told yes, so he wrote "Redskins fan saves friend from savage dog".
The boy said, " Sorry sir, but I'm not a Redskins fan." The reporter then asked him if he was a Baltimore Ravens fan; again the boy said no.
So the reporter asked him who his favorite team was, the boy said "I really like the Dallas Cowboys sir." So the reporter wrote, " Redneck kills family pet."
Some things I've learned from my children: Super glue "is" forever. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water. Pool filters "do not like Jell-O!"A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. foot house 4 inches deep. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a superman cape. It is strong enough however to spread paint on all four walls of 20 by 20 foot room. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way. And the glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop abaseball hit by a ceiling fan. Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old. VCR's do not more...
It was a summer night. Mr and Mrs Rao were having dinner. Suddenly there was a power failure. Mrs. Rao lit a candle and they continued with their dinner. Mr Rao finished his meal and saw his wife perspiring. He got up. She looked at him enquiringly.
'I will switch on the fan, dear!', he said.
'What! You want me to eat in the dark?', she cried.
'Why?', he asked.
'Don't you have any common sense? If you switch on the fan, won't it blow out the candle?', she retorted.
Four hockey fans are mountain climbing.
Each climber happens to be a rabid fan of a different NHL team.
As they climb higher and higher, they argue more and more about which of them is the most loyal to their particular team. Finally, as they reach the summit, the climber from Detroit takes a running leap and throws himself off the mountain, yelling, “This is for the Detroit Red Wings. ”
Not wanting to be outdone, the climber from St. Louis throws himself off the mountain, shouting, “This is for the St. Louis Blues. ”
Seeing this, the Ottawa climber walks to the edge and yells, “This is for hockey fans everywhere! ” He then pushes the fan from Toronto off.
USENET ParodyNo no, the question is: How many USENET posters does it take to changea lightbulb? A1. Define "change"A2. How do you know the lightbulb is out? A3. Don't use the word "posters" to describe us, it's offensive tolarge sheets of papers with pictures on them which hang on walls. A4. That question is not appropriate for this group, please take itelsewhere. A5. I think it's perfectly appropriate, this is alt. fan. lightbulbs. A6. Well, that's because you're a twit. A7. Who are you calling a "twit"? Besides, you spelled "twit" wrong. A8. Oh? And how exactly do *you* spell "twit", twit? A9. Could you two take this to e-mail? Doesn't anyone want to talkabout lightbulb fans instead of flaming? A10. You're a twit also, who died and made you net. cop? A11. Look, all of you, take it to alt. flame or e-mail or something. A12. Hey, USENET is an anarchy, you have no right to tell them what topost or not post. A13. Speaking of anarchists, more...
Titus was on a Knoxville elevator with several other people. As the elevator moved up, he stared at the small fan revolving slowly in the elevator ceiling. "Its amazing," he said to the other people, "that such a small fan could lift all these people!"
Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.