Farm Jokes / Recent Jokes
Farmer Brown goes out one bay and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken. The cocky young rooster walks over to the old rooster and says: "OK, old fellow, time to retire." The old rooster says: "You can't handle all these chickens, look what it did to me!" The young rooster replies: "Now don't give me a hassle about this old man. It's time for the old to step aside and the young take over, so take a hike!" The old rooster says: "Aw, c'mon, just let me have those two old hens over there in the corner. I won't bother you." The young rooster snarls: "Scram! Beat it! You're washed up! I'm taking over!" The old rooster thinks for a minute and then says to the young rooster: "I'll tell you what, young fellow, I'll have a race around the farm house with you. Whoever wins the race gets full domain over the chicken coop." The young rooster smiles: "You know I'm going to beat you, old man. So just to be fair, I'm even going more...
A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went to the
market looking for a rooster. He was hoping he could get a
special rooster- one that service all of his many hens and when
he told this to the market vendor, the vendor replied: "I have
just the rooster for you. Randy here is the horniest rooster you
will ever see!"
So the farmer took Randy back to the farm. Before setting him loose
in the hen house though, he gave Randy a little pep talk. "Randy", he
said, "I'm counting on you to do your stuff". And without a word he
strutted into the hen house.
Randy was as fast as he was furious, mounting each hen like a
thunderbolt. There was much squawking and many feathers flying, till
Randy had finished having his way with each hen. But Randy didn't stop
there, he went in to the barn and mounted all the horses, one by one
and still at the same frantic pace. Then he went to the pig more...
Imagine a farm. On the farm there live a chick and a horse. One day the horse gets stuck in a swamp at the bottom of a field so it says:
"Help Chick pull me out!"
The chick obliges and gets it's Harley Davidson to help pull horse out and all is well.
Two weeks later chick gets stuck in the same swamp and shouts for horse to help.
Horse comes to the rescue and straddles the swamp saying "Grab on!". Sure enough he pulls chick safely out of the swamp.
And the moral of the story is:
If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a bike to pull chicks!
xA lone tourist who is passing through the suburbs on the way to town by car, unfortunately experiences mechanical problems with the automobile. The car stalls and the tourist parks the car by the side of the road and waits for help. Not much later, a farmer happens to pass by with a truck full of farm animals. The farmer offers the tourist a lift to town and proceeds to explain that he is bringing his farm animals to the town market, where they will be auctioned off to the highest bidders. Well, it so happens that on the way to the town, the farmer being so engrossed in his story, unintentionally wanders into the other side of road where another vehicle is approaching in the other direction. The farmer realizes his absent mindness and attempts to avoid the possible collision with the other vehicle. He just misses the other car, but unfortunately crashes the truck into the side of the road. The tourist winds up thrown into a ditch and suffers broken ribs and a broken arm and leg and more...
If you liked the Hunchback, you'll love these Disney versions...
The Inferno by Dante Aligheri
The poet Dante (the voice of Bruce Willis) is led by his friend
Virgil (the voice of Anthony Quinn) on a magical trip
underground to the land of "Heck." Among the delightful
creatures they visit are the lovebirds Paolo and Francesca (the
voices of Andrew Dice Clay and Rosie O'Donnell), the Crying
Trees (the band Nirvana), and the Five Singing Little Devils
(the Jacksons).
Animal Farm by George Orwell
Pigs, chickens, horses - all the familiar barnyard crowd - are
the heroes of this charming celebration of teamwork and
diversity. The poor animals, having suffered for years on a
failing farm under the tyranny of the cruel farmer Jones (Robert
Goulet), are suddenly liberated when Jones trips and falls down
a well. Though things are chaotic at first, the kindly young pigs
Snowball (Michael J. Fox) and Napoleon (Eddie more...
Mintoo: It Is So Cold In My Grandfather's Farm That The Minute We Milk Buffalo, It Turns Into Ice-Cream.
Chintoo: It So Warm In My Grandfather's Farm That The Minute The Hen Lays'it Comes Out Cooked.
Arbitrator (ar'-bi-tray-ter): A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's.
Avoidable (uh-voy'-duh-buhl): What a bullfighter tries to do.
Baloney (buh-lo'-nee): Where some hemlines fall.
Bernadette (burn'-a-det): The act of torching a mortgage.
Burglarize (bur'-gler-ize): What a crook sees with.
Control (kon-trol'): A short, ugly inmate.
Counterfeiters (kown-ter-fit-ers): Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.
Eclipse (i-klips'): what an English barber does for a living.
Eyedropper (i'-drop-ur): a clumsy ophthalmologist.
Heroes (hee'-rhos): what a guy in a boat does.
Left Bank (left' bangk'): what the robber did when his bag was full of loot.
Misty (mis'-tee): How some golfers create divots.
Paradox (par'-uh-doks): two physicians.
Parasites (par'-uh-sites): what you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower.
Pharmacist more...