Farm Jokes / Recent Jokes
Two Michigan football players were taking an important final exam. If they failed, they would be on academic probation and not allowed to play in the Ohio State game the following week. The exam was fill-in-the-blank.
The last question read, "Old MacDonald had a _________." Bubba was stumped. He had no idea what to answer. But he knew he needed to get this one right to be sure he passed.
Making sure the professor wasn't watching, he tapped Tiny on the shoulder. "Pssst. Tiny. What's the answer to the last question?" Tiny laughed. He looked around to make sure the professor hadn't noticed then he turned to Bubba. "Bubba, you're so stupid. Everyone knows Old MacDonald had a FARM."
"Oh yeah," said Bubba. "I remember now." He picked up his No. 2 pencil and started to write the answer in the blank. He stopped. Tapping Tiny's shoulder again, he whispered, "Tiny, how do you spell farm?"
"You are really dumb, more...
One day a man decided to start a farm. So he walked down the road until he came to a farm and asked, “Do you have any chickens? ”
The farmer replies “Yes, but we dont call them that around here. ‘Round here we call ‘em Pullets” He buys the “pullet”
So the farmer goes down the road and again finds a barn and asks “Do you have and Roosters? ”
The farmer replies, “Yes but around here we dont call them that. ’Round here we call ‘em cocks. ” So he buys the “cock”
So the farmer goes down the road and again finds a barn and asks “Do you have any donkeys? ”
The farmer replies “Yeah but we dont call ‘em that around here. ‘Round here we call ‘em asses. ” So he buys the “ass” But just before he leaves the famrer says “Now treat that animal kindly. When it rolls over it means it wants to be scratched. ”
So the farmer goes down the road and sees a woman walking down the road. His donkey suddenly rolls over. He more...
Why couldn't the cow leave the farm? She was pasteurized!
An old man and women owned a farm. The old man died and the woman couldn't handle the farm by herself so she was going to hire someone to help her. The only job applicants were the town drunk and a new guy in town, who was gay. So she chose the gay guy; they worked together for a week or so and got the farm back together.
The old woman was pleased with the work and worn out, so she decided to give herself and her hired hand the night off. Both went out to dinner, she with her friends and he with his. But when the old woman got home, he wasn't there. When he finally came in, she told him, I'm your boss so you have to do what I tell you.
The gay guy said, Okay.
So she said, Take my shoes off, so he did.
She said, Take my stockings off, so he did.
Then she said, Take my dress off, and he did.
She said, Take my bra off, so he did.
Then she said, Take my panties off, so he did.
Finally, she said, You leave this more...
A city slicker wanted to buy a farm. He found just what he was looking for. During an inspection of the property, however, he found a hive of bees.
He told the owner that he was deathly afraid of bees, and there was no way he could consider this piece of land.
The landowner assured him that the bees were completely harmless, but the buyer would have no part of it.
Finally, the landowner made an offer. The buyer would allow himself to be tied to a tree for an hour, nude, under the nest. So sure of the friendliness of his bees was the farmer that if ONE bee were to sting him, the farm would be his for free. The buyer thought it over and decided it was worth the risk.
An hour later, the farmer walked out to the tree and saw the poor guy slumped over in his bindings. Fearing the worst, he ran up to him and asked if he had been stung.
The city fella looked up and weakly said, "No... the bees never touched me - but doesn't that calf have a mother!?!"
1. Your dog rides in your truck more than your wife.
2. You wear specific hats to farm sales, livestock auctions, customer appreciation suppers, and vacations.
3. You have ever had to wash off in the backyard with a garden hose before your wife would let you in the house.
4. You've never thrown away a 5-gallon bucket.
5. You can remember the fertilizer rate, seed population, herbicide rate and yields on a farm you rented 10 years ago, but cannot recall your wife's birthday.
6. You have used a velvet leaf plant as toilet paper.
7. You have driven off the road while examining your neighbors crops.
8. You have borrowed gravel from the county road to fill potholes in your driveway.
9. You have buried a dog and cried like a baby.
10. You've used the same knife to make bull calves steers and peel apples.