Farther Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two blondes are sitting on a bench waiting for the bus... One ask the other:
- Which do you think is farther: Florida, or the moon?
The seconde blonde thinks for a minute, then answers confidently:
- Duh... Can you see Florida from here!

Jack absolutely hated his wife's cat, so he decided to get rid of him. He put the cat in the car, drove about twenty or so blocks from his home, and left the cat at the park.
When he returned home and was about to enter his driveway, there was the cat sitting in the middle of it.
The following day, he tried again. He put the cat in the car and, this time, drove about forty blocks from home and left the cat there.
As he was driving back into his driveway, there was the cat!
Each day he would try again, taking the cat farther and farther away, but the darn cat would always beat him home.
Finally, he put the cat in the car and decided to drive several miles away, turned right, then left, went over the bridge, left again, then another left, then a right and so on until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from home and left the cat there.
Several hours later, Jack called his wife. "Hi, honey, is the cat there?"
"Yes," his wife more...

A lady on vacation took a stroll through the woods.
Suddenly a little white duck, all covered with poop, crossed her path.
"Oh, my," exclaimed the lady, "Come on, I'll clean you!"
She took a Kleenex from her purse and cleaned the little critter.
She walked a little farther and another duck, with poop all over it, crossed her way. Again she took a Kleenex and cleaned the little bird.
Then she encountered a third duck, with the same problem.
And for the third time, she acted like a Florence Nightingale.
She walked on still farther and she heard a voice from the bushes calling... Pssssst..."Hey, lady!"
"Yes?" she responded.
"Do you have a Kleenex?" asked the voice from the bushes.
"No, not anymore," she answered.
"Damn! Have ya' seen any Ducks?"

A lady on vacation took a stroll through the woods.Suddenly a little white duck, all covered with poop, crossed her path. "Oh, my," exclaimed the lady, "Come on, I'll clean you!"She took a Kleenex from her purse and cleaned the little critter. She walked a little farther and another duck, with poop all over it, crossed her way. Again she took a Kleenex and cleaned the little bird. Then she encountered a third duck, with the same problem.And for the third time, she acted like a Florence Nightingale. She walked on still farther and she heard a voice from the bushes calling... Pssssst..."Hey, lady!" "Yes?" she responded. "Do you have a Kleenex?" asked the voice from the bushes. "No, not anymore," she answered. "Damn! Have ya' seen any Ducks?"

A Polak is hired to paint the lines on the road.
On the first day he paints ten miles, and his employers are amazed. But, the second day he painted just five, and on only the third day, he painted only a mile of the road.
Disappointed his boss asks what the problem was.
The Polak replies, "Well sir, every day I have to walk farther and farther to get back to the paint bucket."

A Polak is hired to paint the lines on the road.On the first day he paints ten miles, and his employers are amazed. But, the second day he painted just five, and on only the third day, he painted only a mile of the road.Disappointed his boss asks what the problem was.The Polak replies, "Well sir, every day I have to walk farther and farther to get back to the paint bucket."

A religious young man who was trained to be preacher was dating
a gorgeous young girl and one day he happend to be in the country
side under a large tree haveing a picknic with his girl friend.
After while, he started kissing the girl and became lusty and
wanted to make love to her right under the tree; but he felt
gulity due to hisreligous traning and decided to pray & ask God for
his forgiveness, and yet make love.
The Young piously knelt on his knees and asked, " Farher above, Farther
above, let me have a go with my girl!"
All of a sudden a deep, solemn voice came down from the tree and the voice
said, " Son below, son below, you may have a go!"
The young man was so happy and he made passionate love to the
girl right under the tree.
After a while our hero got horney again, wanted to make love
again!
Again he decided to ask the God, just like the first time. Again,
he knelt down and more...