Poop Jokes

15. I will not eat other animals' poop. 14. I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.13. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table. 12. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.11. I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener.10. Cats: Circulate a petition that sleeping become a juried competition in major animal shows. 9. Come to understand that cats are from Venus; dogs are from Mars.8. Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds.7. Hamster: Don't let them figure out I'm just a rat on steroids, or they'll flush me! 6. Get a bite in on that freak who gives me that shot every year.5. Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much food is *too* much.4. Cats: Use new living room sofa as scratching post. 3. January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock! January 2nd - December 31: Re-live victory over the sock. 2. The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff. AND the Number 1 more...

There was a boy named Brandon that went to school one regular school day. He asked his teacher if he could go to the bathroom, but the teacher said no because he was not allowed to go during class, so he had to hold it in. It was the end of the day, and he really had to make a poopie, but all the bus kids had to get inside the bus. Brandon REALLY had to go, so he had no other choice but to poop right where his bus seat was!!! At first, no one had noticed the stench, but a few minutes later THE WHOLE ENTIRE BUS SMELLED LIKE FRESH POOP!!! He was very embarrased, and all the other kids were making fun of him. When the bus stopped at his house, the bus driver had told his mother(who was waiting for him at the doorstep)all about the poop incident. The mother was embarrased, and Brandon never wanted to go to school again(although he did have to)!

there are 3 blonde guys speeding on the hghway, named poop, manners, and shut-up.poop fell out.Manners jumps out to help poop.a police officer pulls shut-up over.
"Whats your name?"said the officer.
"shut-up."he said.
"Whats your name?"said the officer.
"shut-up."
"Whats your name?"said the officer.
"shut-up!"
"wheres your manners?"
"back there pickin' up poop!"

15. I will not eat other animals' poop. 14. I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop. 13. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table. 12. My head does not belong in the refrigerator. 11. I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener. 10. Cats: Circulate a petition that sleeping become a juried competition in major animal shows. 9. Come to understand that cats are from Venus; dogs are from Mars. 8. Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds. 7. Hamster: Don't let them figure out I'm just a rat on steroids, or they'll flush me! 6. Get a bite in on that freak who gives me that shot every year. 5. Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much food is *too* much. 4. Cats: Use new living room sofa as scratching post. 3. January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock! January 2nd - December 31: Re-live victory over the sock. 2. The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff. AND the more...

THE COWBOY CODE


1. A cowboy removes his hat when entering the presence of a lady, although he may leave it on if she works in a saloon.


2. A cowboy says EXCUSE ME, MA'AM, when leaving a lady's presence.


3. A cowboy says PARDON ME, MA'AM, when bumping into a lady, or treading on her feet.


4. A cowboy never sits, while a lady is standing, unless he feels particularly tired, or his feet hurt.


5. A cowboy allows a lady to go through a doorway, first, especially if he thinks one of his enemies may try to shoot him in a cowardly ambush. She would provide good cover.

6. A cowboy does not spit on the floor, but if he does, he will point it out to the ladies so they will not drag their skirts through it.


7. A cowboy never tracks horse poop into a lady's house. He should leave his boots outside the door, unless his feet stink as bad as the horse poop, in which case, he should just go more...