Faster Jokes / Recent Jokes

There were two nuns... One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM), and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL). It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent. SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants. SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us. SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most? What can we do? SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster. SM: It's not working. SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too. SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute. SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both. So the man decided to follow Sister Logical. Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical. Then Sister Logical arrives. SM: Sister Logical! more...

Two friends..........."
Two guys were walking through the jungle when they spotted a tiger that
looked both hungry and fast. One of the guys reached into his pack and
pulled out a pair of Nike.
His friend looked at him "Do you really think those shoes are going to makeyou run faster than that tiger?"
First one replied: I don't have to run faster than the tiger,
Second One: Then????
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"I just have to run faster than you"

A man walked into a curio shop in Galveston Texas. Looking around at the exotica, he noticed a very life-like, life-size bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag, but it looked so striking that he decided he must have it. He took it to the owner and asked, "How much is the bronze rat?"
"Twelve dollars for the rat; a hundred dollars if you bring it back," said the owner.
The man gave the shop owner twelve dollars. "I'll take the rat - and I won't be bringing it back."
As he walked down the street carrying the bronze rat, he noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of alleys and sewers, and began following him down the street. This was a bit disconcerting, so he began to walk a little bit faster. Within a couple of blocks, the group of rats behind him grew to over a hundred, and they began squealing.
He started to trot towards the harbor. He took a nervous look around and saw that the rats numbered in the thousands, maybe in the more...

You know you are addicted to the Internet when…
You kiss your girlfriend’s home page.
Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
Your eyeglasses have a web site burned in on them.
All your daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a faster connection to the net: 28. 8…ISDN…cable modem…T1…T3.
And even your night dreams are in HTML.
You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
You start introducing yourself as “Jim at I-I-Net dot net dot au
Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a new WWW site address in print or on TV, even though you’ve never had heart problems before.
You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don’t have a clue when it happened.
You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can hear if new e-mail more...

The following are ways to detirmine whether a truck is company owned: 1. Company trucks travel faster in all gears. 2. They accelerate much faster than personal trucks, leaving tire marks on pavement. 3. They enjoy a much shorter braking distance, leaving more tire marks. 4. They can take bumps at twice the speed of private trucks. 5. Company trucks normally require oil changes at 100,000 mile intervals. 6. Their floors are shaped like ash trays, and accommodate milk cartons, coke bottles, leftover food, and paper wrappers. 7. They can be driven 100 miles or more with the oil pressure light flashing. 8. They are adapted to allow the transmission to be shifted into reverse while going forward at 20 mph. 9. Their tire walls are designed for bumping into and over curbs. 10. Unusual and alarming engine noises are easily eliminated by turning the radio volume up. 11. Company trucks are not designed to be washed or waxed or to retain hubcaps. 12. All company trucks have many dents in the more...

One day there was a blonde riding a horse. The horse kept going faster and faster until the blonde fell off, with her foot getting stuck in the stirrup. Hearing her screams for help, finally a Wal-Mart clerk came over and turned off the merry-go-round.

Basic Rules For Driving In New Jersey: A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the left lane waiting for the same jerks to squeeze their way back in before hitting the construction barrels. Turn signals are just clues as to your next move in road battle so never use them. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you no matter how fast you're going. If you do, the space will be filled in by somebody else putting you in an even more dangerous situation. The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit. Never get in the way of a car that needs extensive body work. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to insure that your antilock braking system kicks in to give you a nice relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. Construction signs tell you about road closures immediately after you pass more...