Faster Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two guys were attending a party in the woods, when all of a sudden, the skies opened up and rained torrents on everybody. They ran for their car, jumped in, and gunned it. They were going pretty fast when an old man's face appeared in the passenger window, knocking on it! The passenger screamed, but decided to roll down his window halfway.
''What do you want?'' he asked.
''Do you have any tobacco?'' asked the old man. The passenger handed the old man a cigarette, and he went away.
''Go faster!'' said the passenger.' 'I don't want to see him again!'' So the driver pushed the spedometer to 80 mph. But soon, the old man appears at the window again! Scared, the passenger rolls down his window again.
''Do you have a light?'' said the old man's face. Trembling, the passenger handed him a pack of matches. And the old man went away.
''Drive faster!'' said the passenger. So they pushed it to 100 mph. But ten minutes later, the face returns.' 'What do you want from more...

A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo, much like the brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. The slowest buffalo are the sick and weak so they die off first, making it possible for the herd to move at a faster pace.
Like the buffalo, the weak, slow brain cells are the ones that are killed off by excessive beer drinking and socializing, making the brain operate faster.
The moral of the story: Drink more beer, it will make you smarter.

Little John had a pet-chicken. He fed the chick each day and cared for her, but one day, to his shock, he found the chicken laying on her back, legs up high and mouth wide open. John ran to his father and asked him to come and take a look.
Dad came, glanced at the chicken, turned to his son and explained - "I'm sorry, Johnny, but your chicken has died. Look, how the legs are pointing up high to the sky, as if she was trying to get faster up to Heaven, to be with God!"
Next day, when dad came back from work, he found Johnny waiting for him. Before he could even get out of the car, Johnny was yelling: "Dad, dad! We almost lost our Mum today! I heard a noise and went to look for her and found her on her back on kitchen table!
And, dad, her legs were up, too, pointing to the sky as if she wanted to get there faster! And she was screaming 'Oh, God, I'm coming! Oh, God, I'm coming' and she kept on reapeating 'Yes! Yeees! Faster!'"
Then Johnny nodded and more...

It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off.

There are two nuns. One of them is known as Sister Mathematical (SM),
and the other one is known as Sister Logical (SL).
It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.
SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us,
for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes?
I wonder what he wants?
SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most. What can we do?
SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.
SM: It's not working
SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster too.
SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way, and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.
So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.
Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried, what has happened to more...

Is there a Santa Claus? The Rebuttal
(Jim Mantle, Waterloo Maple Software)
Come on, ya gotta believe! I mean, if you can handle flying furry animals, then it's only a small step to the rest! For example: As admitted, it is possible that a flying reindeer can be found. I would agree that it would be quite an unusual find, but they might exist.
You've relied on cascading assumptions. For example, you have assumed a uniform distribution of children across homes. Toronto/Yorkville, or Toronto/Cabbagetown, or other yuppie nieghborhoods, have probably less than the average (and don't forget DINK and SINK homes (Double Income No Kids, Single Income No Kids)), while families with 748 starving children that they keep showing on Vision TV while trying to pick my pocket would skew that 15% of homes down a few percent.
You've also assumed that each home that has kids would have at least one good kid. What if anti-selection applies, and homes with good kids tend to have more more...

A blonde was going to ride a horse for the first time and she was very nervous and scared. She gets up on the horse and it starts to move. It goes faster and faster and the blonde is terrified. Suddenly the blonde loses her grip and slides up side down on the horse. Her head is dragging on the ground and she is screaming for help. She is panicing now and just when she is sure she is gonna die, the manager comes out and unplugs the machine.