Favorite Jokes / Recent Jokes
To commemorate her 69th birthday on October 1, actress/vocalist Julie
Andrews made a special appearance at Manhattan's Radio City Music Hall
for the benefit of the AARP. One of the musical numbers she performed
was "My Favorite Things" from the legendary movie "Sound Of Music."
However, the lyrics of the song were deliberately changed for the
entertainment of her "blue hair" audience. Here are the lyrics she
recited:
Maalox and nose drops and needles for knitting, Walkers and handrails
and new dental fittings, Bundles of magazines tied up with string, These
are a few of my favorite things.
Cadillac's, cataracts, hearing aids and glasses, Polident, Fixodent and
dentures and glasses, Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
These are a few of my favorite things.
When the pipes leak,
When the bones creak,
When the knees go bad
I simply remember my more...
Q: What's a cat's second favorite food? - A: Spa-catti!
When I went to lunch today, I noticed this lady about 75-80 years old sitting on a bench near the food court and she was sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong.
She said: "I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground, brewed coffee."
I said: "Well, then why are you crying?" She said: "he makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then makes love to me half the afternoon."
I said: "Well so why are you crying?"
She said: "For Dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite desert and then makes love to me until 2:00am."
I said: "Well, why in the world would you be crying?"
She said: "BECAUSE I CAN'T REMEMBER WHERE I LIVE!"
Today, October 12, is my birthday. It is also my least favorite day of the year.
This is not because I am getting older – I actually prefer the maturing process, as I feel far more comfortable with myself with each passing year (I am passing into year #42). The problem actually stems from a stretch of time when it appeared that nearly all of my friends forgot or ignored my birthday. I wouldn’t make a big deal of that, except that I never forgot to send best wishes for any of my friends’ birthdays (or their wedding anniversaries, or year-end holiday greetings). I’m not making myself seem clever – all it required was writing the dates on a calendar and looking at the calendar every once in a while to determine what was on the horizon in terms of activities and events.
So being in a situation where I was sending birthday/anniversary/holiday cards and getting nothing back in return became rather depressing. This was especially acute on my birthday, since it is more...
When I worked in the tourist industry in Florida, we got to wear some of the buttons that were for sale. My favorite read:
We love serving tourists; I like mine well done!