Feed Jokes / Recent Jokes
THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN DOGS AND CATS A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... They must be gods! A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... I must be a god!
Woman:
Attempt to wake husband. Feed baby. Make breakfast. Change baby. Wake
kids. Dress kids. Walk dog. Feed baby. Drive kids to school. Drag
husband out of bed. Do laundry. Iron clothes. Clean house. Make
husband lunch. Feed and change baby. Clean house again. Walk dog
again. Pick up kids. Pick up school stuff. Clean up dog's mess. Make
dinner. Call repair man, plumber, electrician, and exterminator. Swat
flies. Yell at kids. Put kids to bed. Change baby. Go to Wal-Mart to
stand on line for three hours to get one bag of chips for husband.
Clean house again. Go to bed. Get up. Comfort baby. Let dog out.
Change baby. Let dog in. Get 10 minutes of sleep.
Man:
Sleep. Go to work. Sleep. Drink coffee. Have wife pick up. Watch
football and drink beer. Fall asleep. Go to bathroom. Lift one heavy
object for begging wife. Go to bed. Yell at wife to feed baby.
What a dog thinks:
My family loves me. They care for me and feed me. They scratch behind my ears and play my favorite games with me. They must be gods!
What a cat thinks:
My family loves me. They care for me and feed me. They scratch behind my ears and play my favorite games with me. I must be a god!
There were three boys at the zoo and the zookeeper came up to them and asked for their names and what they were trying to do. The first boy said, ''My name is Tommy and I was trying to feed peanuts to the lions.'' The second boy said, ''My name is Billy and I was trying to feed peanuts to the lions.'' The third boy said, ''My name is Peanuts.''
One sunday a cowboy went to church. When he entered, he saw that he and the preacher were the only ones present. The preacher asked the cowboy if he wanted him to go ahead and preach. The cowboy said, "I'm not too smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I'd feed him." So the minister began his sermon.
One hour passed, then two hours, then two-and-a-half hours. The preacher finally finished and came down to ask the cowboy how he had liked the sermon. The cowboy answered slowly, "Well, I'm not very smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I sure wouldn't feed him all the hay."
I'll hit you so hard you'll have to take off your shoes to shit!
I'll hit you so hard you'll have to unzip your pants to say hi!
I'll hit you so hard your kids will be born dizzy!
I'll hit you so hard your wife will fall! Yo Mama sucks cocks in hell
Your Mama's so bald, you can see what is on her mind!
Your Mama's so stupid, she thinks socialism means partying!
Your Mama's so stupid, she thinks manual labor is a Mexican!
Your Mama's so stupid, she thinks Johnny Cash is a pay toilet!
Your Mama's so stupid, she takes an hour and a half to watch "60 Minutes"!
Your Mama's so stupid, she probably thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your telephone bill.
Your Mama's so stupid, she has blonde roots in her eyeballs.
Your Mama's so stupid, she got fired from the M & M factory for throwing away all the W's.
Your Mama's so stupid, she went to a Clippers game to get a hair cut.
Your Mama's so stupid, she went to a Whalers more...
One Sunday, a cowboy went to church. When he entered, he saw that he and the preacher were the only ones present. The preacher asked the cowboy if he wanted him to go ahead and preach.The cowboy said, "I'm not too smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I'd feed him."So the minister began his sermon.One hour passed, then two hours, then two-and-a-half hours. The preacher finally finished and came down to ask the cowboy how he had liked the sermon.The cowboy answered slowly, "Well, I'm not very smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I sure wouldn't feed him all the hay."