Feed Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q: What were Christa McAuliffe's last words to her husband?
A: "You feed the kids - I'll feed the fish."
Q: What does NASA stand for?
A1: Need Another Seven Astronauts
A2: Need Another Shuttle Also
Q: Did you know why there was only one black crew member on Challenger?
A: They didn't know it was going to blow up.
Q: Did you know that NASA has a new space drink?
A: Ocean Spray - It was their second choice because they couldn't get 7-UP.
Q: On future shuttle missions, why will one of the astronauts have to be a naval officer?
A: So when they decide to use it as an experimental submarine, they'll have a rated officer onboard.
Q: How many people will fit in a Florida Volkswagen?
A: Four in the seats and seven in the ashtray.
A little boy came down to breakfast. Since he lived on a farm, his mother asked if he had done his chores. “Not yet,” said the little boy. His mother tells him he can't have any breakfast until he does his chores.
Well, he's a little pissed, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig.
He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. “How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?” he asks.
“Well,” his mother says, “I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon, either. I also saw you kick the cow, so you aren't getting any milk this morning.”
Just about then, his father comes down for breakfast, and he kicks the cat as he's walking into the kitchen.
The little boy looks up at his mother with a more...
A colleague, called Terry, told me this in the pub some time ago
He was asked by his neighbours to look after their flat whilst they were away for a four week cruise. They gave him a spare set of keys and their alarm system number and asked him to feed their tropical fish, kept in a large aquarium, and their cat. There was plenty of fish food and a whole cupboard full of Kit-e-Kat so all he needed to do was pop round once a day and feed the cat and the fish.
He did this regularly for the first week, but eventually he started staying in the pub late and having one drink too many and so completely forgot to check the flat out.
Finally, he got a phone call from his neighbour who said that their liner was due to dock at Southampton the next day and they would be back the day after and, by the way, how are the fish and the cat?
Lying blindly, he said that they were all fine, no problem at all and then rushed round to their flat as soon as he had hung up the phone.
As more...
AAC Alter All CommandsAAD Alter All DataAAO Add And OverflowAAR Alter At RandomAB Add BackwardsABC AlphaBetize CodeABR Add Beyond RangeACC Advance CPU ClockACDC Allow Controller to Delete ContentsACDP Allow Controller to Die PeacefullyACQT Advance Clock to Quitting TimeADB Another Dumb BugAEE Absolve Engineering ErrorsAFF Add Fudge FactorAFHB Align Fullword on Halfword BoundaryAFP Abnormalize Floating PointAFR Abort Funny RoutineAFVC Add Finagle's Variable ConstantAGB Add GarBageAGWA Add and Get Wrong AnswerAI Add ImproperAIB Attack Innocent BystanderAIB Attack Innocent BystandersAISG Access and Improve Student GradeAMM Add Mayo and MustardAMM Answer My MailAMS Add Memory to SystemANC ANnoy ConsultantAOI Annoy Operator ImmediateAR Advance RudelyAR Alter RealityARN Add and Reset to Non-zeroARN Add and Reset to NonzeroARZ Add and Reset to ZeroAS Add SidewaysASQGSA ASCII Stupid Question, Get a Stupid ANSIAT Accumulate TriviaAWP Argue With ProgrammerAWTT Assemble With Tinker ToysBA Branch more...
A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes
to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you
think I could stay the night?"
The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As
the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. The next morning, he
asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you. You're
not a monk." The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way.
Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery. The monks accept him, feed him, even fix his car. That night, he hears
the same strange noise that he had heard years earlier. The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, "We can't tell you. You're not a
monk." The man says, "all right, all right. I'm dying to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do more...
A little boy sits down at the breakfast table. Since he lives on a farm, his mother asks if he has done his chores. "No, not yet," he replies. His mother tells him that he can't have any breakfast until his chores are done.
He gets pissed and stomps off. He goes to feed the chickens and kicks one. He goes to feed the cows and kicks a cow. Then, he goes to feed the pigs and kicks a pig.
He goes back to the table and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.
"Why don't I get any bacon and eggs? Why isn't there any milk in my cereal," he asks.
"Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs. I saw you kick a pig, so you don't get any bacon either. I also saw you kick a cow, so there's no milk for you this morning."
Just then, his father enters the kitchen and kicks the cat out of his way.
The little boy looks up at his mother with a grin and says, "So, mom, are you going to tell him, or more...
One Sunday a jatt went to church. When he entered, he saw that he and the preacher were the only ones present. The preacher asked the jatt if he wanted him to go ahead and preach. The jatt said, "I'm not too smart, but if I went to feed my jatt and only one showed up, I'd feed him." So the minister began his sermon.
One hour passed, then two hours, then two-and-a-half hours. The preacher finally finished and came down to ask the jatt how he had liked the sermon. The jatt answered slowly, "Well, I'm not very smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I sure wouldn't feed him all the hay."