Feed Jokes / Recent Jokes

Tired of boring old dog name like Ruff, Spot, Lassie, etc? The next time you get a dog, name it: MypenisWhy, you ask? Well just look at some of the great excuses you can use for school, work, and general conversation!-I did do my homework but Mypenis ate it!-Oh no, Mypenis is frothing at the mouth!-Sorry I'm late. I was playing with Mypenis. - I'm sorry officer, I didn't realize I had to keep Mypenis on a leash. - Mypenis doesn't come when I call it. - Mypenis likes to crawl between the legs of guests. - If Mypenis begs at the dinner table, I just tell it to LAY DOWN!-I love giving Mypenis a bath, but Mypenis doesn't like cold water. - At night, I like to snuggle with Mypenis. - Mypenis likes it when people pet him. - Mypenis needs to get more exercise. He weighs over fifty pounds!-Playing with Mypenis really wears me out. - Would you like to see a picture of Mypenis?-Sometimes I wake up, and Mypenis is already active. - I think Mypenis has a mind of its own. - I keep a picture of more...

Why did your sister feed money to her cow? Because she wanted to get rich milk.

With a dog, you feed him, you give him plenty of affection, you take him for walks and he thinks, "Wow, this guy must be a god.
With a cat, however, you feed him, you love him, you care for him and he thinks, "Wow, I must be a god."

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?"The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk."The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way.Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery. The monks again accept him, feed him, even fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange noise that he had heard years earlier.The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk."The man says, "All right, all right. I'm dying to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?"The monks more...

The local game warden in a small town in Oregon had arrested a man for killing and eating an Egret. The man went before a judge to plead his case. After pleading guilty, but with an explanation, the judge asked him why he did it.
"I was just trying to feed my hungry family," he told the judge, "and I've never done anything like that before."
The judge, being a family man himself, had a soft heart and agreed to let the man go free, since he was only trying to feed his starving family and it was his first and only offense.
"Before you go, though, I want to ask you a question," the judge quipped, "What does Egret taste like?"
"Well your Honor," the man told him, "It's not as tender as Spotted Owl, but it's much better than Bald Eagle!"

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

WHAT A DOG THINKS
Wow, these people feed me, bathe me, pet me, shelter me - they must be gods!
WHAT A CAT THINKS
Wow, these people feed me, bathe me, pet me, shelter me - I must be a god!