Feed Jokes / Recent Jokes

A duck walks into a feed store and asks, "got any duck feed?"
The clerk tells him, "no, we don't have a market for it so we don't carry it."
The duck says,"okay," and leaves.
The next day, the duck again walks in to the feed store and asks, "got any duck feed?"
Again the clerk says "no" and the duck leaves.
Next day, the duck once again walks in, and asks, "got any duck feed?"
The clerk says, "i've told you twice, we don't have duck feed, we've never had duck feed and we never will have duck feed. If you ask me again, i'll nail your feet to the floor." the duck leaves.
The next day, the duck walks in and asks, "got any nails?"
"no." "got any duck feed?"

Dear Jokers who provide Yo mama jokes,
Please do not post yo mama jokes previously posted in this Joke Page.
It's a waste of your time, our time and bandwith.
Please read the following collection of YO MAMA SO UGLY' jokes. Future
jokers, read this and if you can find something new about the ugly mama
then submit your joke. (OLD MAMA, FAT MAMA, TALL MAMA, POOR
MAMA etc. will follow)
YO MAMA IS SO UGLY
Yo mama so ugly I can fuck her in any position and its still doggy style.
Yo mama so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.
Yo mama so ugly I saved her life by killing a shit-eating dog on the way over.
Yo mama so ugly Ted Dansen wouldn't date her!
Yo mama so ugly The NHL banned her for life
Yo mama so ugly condom advocates wanted to use her as a poster child.
Yo mama so ugly even Freddy Krueger has nightmares of her.
Yo mama so ugly even Rice Krispies won't talk to her!
Yo mama so ugly for more...

A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... They must be Gods! A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... I must be a God!

Q: What were Christa McAuliffe's last words to her husband? A: "You feed the kids - I'll feed the fish." Q: What does NASA stand for? A1: Need Another Seven AstronautsA2: Need Another Shuttle AlsoQ: Did you know why there was only one black crew member on Challenger? A: They didn't know it was going to blow up. Q: Did you know that NASA has a new space drink? A: Ocean Spray - It was their second choice because they couldn't get 7-UP. Q: On future shuttle missions, why will one of the astronauts have to be a naval officer? A: So when they decide to use it as an experimental submarine, they'll have a rated officer onboard. Q: How many people will fit in a Florida Volkswagen? A: Four in the seats and seven in the ashtray.

31. I will let my master bring the rear end of a mouse which the cat kindly gave him to chew onto the lounge room carpet.
32. I will not push my master away when she wants a hug after playing in a mud puddle.
33. I will give my masters chewies that last throughout that stupid kid’s entire piano practice.
34. I will not feed the cat before I feed my masters.
35. I will not enter shows held in horse barns and expect my master to be obedient.
36. Dog bladders are not large.
37. I will not yell at my master for creating “chew toys” from found objects.
38. I will not run out of treats.
39. I will {make a turkey/stuff a stocking/buy lots of presents} for my master.
40. I will not make my master wear silly-looking antlers or red hats.
41. I will not make my master pose for pictures with some fat stranger in a red suit.
42. I will not tie leftover ribbons and bows all over my master.
43. I will not use decorations like tinsel more...

Why did the farmer feed his pigs sugar and vinegar? He wanted sweet and sour pork!

Schedule of a Wife and Mother:
Attempt to wake husband.
Feed baby.
Make breakfast.
Change baby.
Wake kids.
Dress kids.
Walk dog.
Feed baby.
Drive kids to school.
Drag husband out of bed.
Do laundry.
Iron clothes.
Clean house.
Make husband lunch.
Feed and change baby.
Clean house again.
Walk dog again.
Pick up kids.
Pick up school stuff.
Clean up dog's mess.
Make dinner.
Call repairman, plumber, electrician, and exterminator.
Swat flies.
Yell at kids.
Put kids to bed.
Change baby.
Go to Wal-Mart to stand on line for three hours to get one bag of chips for husband.
Clean house again.
Go to bed. Get up.
Comfort baby.
Let dog out.
Change baby.
Let dog in.
Get 10 minutes of sleep.
Schedule of a Husband and Father
Sleep.
Go to work.
Sleep.
Drink coffee.
Have wife pick up.
Watch football and drink beer.
Fall asleep.
Go to more...