Feeling Jokes / Recent Jokes

Adam was wandering around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, when he heard a loud voice ask him, "What is wrong with you?" Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to, and he was feeling very lonely.Then the loud voice said he was going to give him a companion and it would be a woman. The voice continued, saying; "this person will cook for you and wash your clothes, she will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache, and will freely give you love and compassion whenever needed."Adam thought that sounded great, so he asked "What would a woman like this cost me??"The voice answered, "an arm and a leg."Adam thought about that for a moment. He thought that would be a pretty high price to pay, so he then more...

It was the morning after, and he sat groaning and holding his head.
"Well, if you hadn`t drunk so much last night you wouldn`t feel so bad now," the wife said tartly.
"My drinking had nothing to do with it," he answered. "I went to bed feeling wonderful and woke up feeling awful. It was the sleep that did it!"

I woke up early feeling a little depressed because it was my birthday, and I thought, "Another year older", but decided to make the best of it.

So I showered and shaved, knowing when I went down to breakfast my wife would greet me with a big kiss and say Happy Birthday, dear.

All smiles, I went into breakfast and there sat my wife reading the newspaper as usual. She didn''t say one word. So I got myself a cup of coffee and thought to myself, oh well, she just forgot.

The kids will be in in a few minutes all cheery and they will sing Happy Birthday and have a nice gift for me. There I sat, enjoying my coffee, and I waited.

Finally the kids came running in yelling, "Give me a slice of toast", "I''m late", "Where is my coat", and "I''m going to miss the bus". Feeling more depressed than ever, I left for the office.

When I walked into the office, my secretary greeted me with a smile more...

Farmer Brown decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company (responsible for the accident) to court. In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning Farmer Brown. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine'?" asked the lawyer.Farmer Brown responded, "Well I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the...""I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted, "just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine'!"Farmer Brown said, "Well I had just gotten Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road..."The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please more...

so a golfer find a magical lamp and a genie appears and says i will grant you three wishes the only cacth is your wife recives 10 times more than what you wish for.so the golfer wishes to be the best golfer in the world so the genie blinkes and the guy becomes the best golfer in the world and the genie says he is the best golfer in the world but your wife is going to beat you like a drum. feeling badthe golfer wishes to be the richest man in the world. the genie blinkes and the guy becomes the richest man in the world, but his wife can now buy and sell him 20times over. feeling bumed out so the golferwishes to have a mild heart-attack

To All Employees: It has come to our attention recently that many of you have been turning in timecards that specify large amounts of "Miscellaneous Unproductive Time" (Code 5309). Note that unproductive time isn't a problem. What is a problem, however, is not knowing exactly what you are doing during your unproductive time. Attached below is a sheet specifying a tentative extended job code list based on our observations of employee activities. The list will allow you to specify with a fair amount of precision what you are doing during your unproductive time. Please begin using this job code list immediately and let us know about any difficulties you encounter. Thank you, Accounting. Attached: Extended Job Code ListCode Number Explanation ---------- ----------- 5316 Useless Meeting 5317 Obstructing Communications at Meeting 5318 Trying to Sound Knowledgeable While in Meeting 5319 Waiting for Break 5320 Waiting for Lunch 5321 Waiting for End of Day 5322 Vicious Verbal Attacks more...

Classic Definitions & Cool Meanings:
1. Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.
2. Love affairs: Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test.
3. Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master
4. Divorce: Future tense of marriage
5. Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either".
6. Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
7. Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
8. Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power. .
9. Dictionary: A place where divorce comes before marriage.
10. Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & more...