Feet Jokes / Recent Jokes

A camel decided to educate his son who she suspected was getting a little inquisitive.
`Mum, why do we have two humps?` asked the son.
`That is so that we can go for days and weeks without water. We can store it in the humps.`
` Then why do we have very long eye lashes mum?`
`That,` he was told, `is to protect the eyes from the sand in a sand storm.`
`And why do we have bulbous looking feet?`
`That is so that we can travel twice as fast through the desert.`
`Mum,` wispered the young camel, "Now I can understand, humps to store water, long eye lashes to protect eyes from sand storm and bulbous looking feet to travell fast in the desert, then what the hell are we doing in this zoo?`

A woman sought the advice of a sex therapist, confiding that she found it increasingly difficult to find a man who could satisfy her, and that it was very wearisome getting in and out of all these short term relationships.

"Isn't there some way to judge the size of a man's equipment from the outside?" she asked earnestly.

"The only foolproof way, is by the size of his feet" counseled the therapist.

So the woman went downtown and proceeded to cruise the streets, until she came across a young fellow standing in an unemployment line with the biggest feet she had ever laid her eyes on. She took him out to dinner, wined and dined him, and then took him back to her apartment for an evening of abandon.

When the man woke up the next morning, the woman had already gone but, by the bedside table was a $20 bill and a note that read, "With my compliments, take this money and go out and buy a pair of shoes that fit you."

A solution to all of your drinking troubles
Symptom: Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; shirt front is wet.
Fault: Mouth not open or glass being applied to wrong part of face.
Solution: Buy another pint and practice in front of a mirror. Continue with as many pints as necessary until drinking technique is perfect.
Symptom: Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; beer unusually pale and clear.
Fault: Glass is empty.
Solution: Find someone who will buy you another pint.
Symptom: Feet cold and wet.
Fault: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
Solution: Turn glass so that open end is pointing at ceiling.
Symptom: Feet warm and wet.
Fault: Loss of self-control.
Solution: Go and stand beside nearest dog - After a while complain to its owner about its lack of house training.
Symptom: Bar blurred.
Fault: You are looking through the bottom of your empty glass.
Solution: Find someone who will buy you another more...

Dolly Parton and Princess Di both died, and found themselves at the pearly
gates.
Dolly Parton knocked, and in a moment, Saint Peter arrived.
He looked at them both, and told them that he could only let one in,
because heaven was getting a little crowded.
So, he gave them both one chance to convince him to let them in.
Dolly Parton lifted up her top, and showed Saint Peter the biggest and
most impressive set of tits he'd ever seen.
Princess Di thought for a while on how to top that one, then all of a
sudden, squatted by Saint Peter and pissed on his feet.
He said nothing, but opened the gates and let Princess Di through.
Dolly was pissed off about this, and screamed

A woman goes to the doctor's and says, "Doctor, Doctor, you have to help me. Every time I go to the bathroom, DIMES come out!"
The doctor tells her to relax, go home, rest with her feet up and come back in a week.
A week later the woman returns and says, "Doctor, Doctor, it's gotten worse!
Every time I go to the bathroom, QUARTERS come out!! What's wrong with me?"
Again the doctor tells her to relax, go home, rest with her feet up and come back in a week.
Another week passes and the woman returns and yells, "Doctor, Doctor, I'm still not getting better! Every time I go to the bathroom, HALF-DOLLARS come out! WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH ME?!!"
The doctor says, "Relax, Relax,... you're just going through your change!"

A solution to all of your drinking troublesSymptom: Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; shirt front is wet.Fault: Mouth not open or glass being applied to wrong part of face.Solution: Buy another pint and practice in front of a mirror. Continue with as many pints as necessary until drinking technique is perfect.Symptom: Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; beer unusually pale and clear.Fault: Glass is empty.Solution: Find someone who will buy you another pint.Symptom: Feet cold and wet.Fault: Glass being held at incorrect angle.Solution: Turn glass so that open end is pointing at ceiling.Symptom: Feet warm and wet.Fault: Loss of self-control.Solution: Go and stand beside nearest dog - After a while complain to its owner about its lack of house training.Symptom: Bar blurred.Fault: You are looking through the bottom of your empty glass.Solution: Find someone who will buy you another pint.Symptom: Bar swaying.Fault: Air turbulence unusually high - maybe due to darts more...

A blonde went to a flight school insisting that she wanted to learn to fly. As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct her by radio on how to pilot the solo helicopter. He took her out, showed her how to start it and gave her the basics, and sent her on her way.
After she climbed 1000 feet, she radioed in. "I'm doing great! I love it! The view is so beautiful, and I'm starting to get the hang of this."
After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was to fly. The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet, and was beginning to worry that she hadn't radioed in.
A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed about half a mile away. He ran over and pulled her from the wreckage.
When he asked what happened, she said, "I don't know! Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was starting to get cold. I can barely remember anything after I turned off the big fan!"