Feet Jokes / Recent Jokes
Crazy Aunt Maud received a letter one morning, and upon reading it burst into floods of tears. "What's the matter?" asked her companion.
"Oh dear," sobbed Auntie, "It's my favorite nephew. He's got three feet."
"Three feet?" exclaimed her friend.
"Surely that's not possible?"
"Well," said Auntie, "his mother's just written to tell me he's grown another foot! "
A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem they had never before shared with anyone, not even each other. The Groom-to-be, overcoming his fear, decided to ask his father for advice. "Father," he said, "I am deeply concerned about the success of my marriage." His father replied, "Don't you love this girl?" "Oh yes, very much," he said," but you see, I have very smelly feet, and I'm afraid that my fiance will be put off by them." "No problem," said dad, "all you have to do is wash your feet as often as possible, and always wear socks, even to bed." Well, to him this seemed a workable solution. The bride-to-be, overcoming her fear, decided to take her problem up with her mom." Mom," she said, "When I wake up in the morning my breath is truly awful." "Honey," her mother consoled, "everyone has bad breath in the morning." more...
As you may already know, THE DARWIN AWARDS are bestowed every year upon(the remains of) that individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the most to remove undesirable elements from the human genepool. And now, for this year's illustrious winner(s):.. drum roll... JohnPernicky and friend Sal Hawkins, of the great state of Washington, decided to attend a local Metallica concert at the Amphitheater at Gorge, Washington. Having no tickets (but 18 beers among them) they sat in theparking lot, and after finishing the beer, decided that it would be easyenough to hop over the nine-foot high fence and sneak into the show. The two friends pulled their pickup truck over to the fence and the planwas for John--100 pounds heavier than Sal-to hop over, and then assist hisfriend over the fence. Unfortunately for John, there was a 30 foot drop onthe other side of the fence. Having heaved himself over, he found himselfcrashing through a tree. His fall was abruptly halted by a large more...
A solution to all of your drinking troublesSymptom: Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; shirt front is wet. Fault: Mouth not open or glass being applied to wrong part of face. Solution: Buy another pint and practice in front of a mirror. Continue with as many pints as necessary until drinking technique is perfect. Symptom: Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; beer unusually pale and clear. Fault: Glass is empty. Solution: Find someone who will buy you another pint. Symptom: Feet cold and wet. Fault: Glass being held at incorrect angle. Solution: Turn glass so that open end is pointing at ceiling. Symptom: Feet warm and wet. Fault: Loss of self-control. Solution: Go and stand beside nearest dog - After a while complain to its owner about its lack of house training. Symptom: Bar blurred. Fault: You are looking through the bottom of your empty glass. Solution: Find someone who will buy you another pint. Symptom: Bar swaying. Fault: Air turbulence unusually high - more...
A foursome is waiting at the mens tee when another foursome of ladies are hitting from the ladies tee. The ladies are taking their time and when finally the last one is ready to hit the ball she hacks it about 10 feet, goes over to it, hacks it another ten feet and looks up at the men waiting and says apologetically: "I guess all thos f*cking lessons I took this winter didn't help" One of the men immediately replies: "No, you see there is your problem. You should have been taking golf lessons instead."
Why are lawyers buried 10 feet underground?
Because deep down, they're really not that bad!
8. Two feet tall, forty feet wide 7. Salesman's opening line: "You're not a cop, are you?" 6. It looks suspiciously like a broom handle with a lot of coat hangers 5. While you sleep, it gets liquored up and takes the family caravan for a joy ride. 4. Each branch has "Duraflame" printed on it. 3. It's very small and says "air freshener" on it. 2. Rabbis have better Christmas trees than yours.1. Constantly bragging about its "trunk size"