Feet Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day, a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 feet below sea level. He noticed a guy at the same depth he was, with no scuba gear on whatsoever.The diver went below another 10 feet, but the guy joined him a minute later. The diver went below 15 more feet, a minute later, the same guy joined him. This confused the diver, so he took out a waterproof chalkboard, and wrote, "How the heck are you able to stay under this deep without equipment?" The guy took the board and chalk, erased what the diver had written, and wrote, "I'm drowning, you moron!"

The following is a true story, and this situation supposedly occurred in a real courtroom.
At a trial, an attorney was putting witnesses through an exacting cross-examination, and was taking great delight into forcing witnesses to admit that they did not remember every single detail of an automobile accident. While the lawyer knew that no witness has a perfect memory, he had honed a skill in exploiting minor inconsistencies and lapses of memory in order to challenge the credibility of honest witnesses. After a series of scathing cross-examinations, he was looking forward to his examination of yet another witness.
“Did you actually see the accident? ” he asked.
The witness responded with a polite, “Yes, sir. ”
“How far away were you when the accident happened? ”
“I was Thirty-four feet, seven and three quarters inches away from the point of collision. ”
“Thirty-four feet, seven and three quarter inches? ” the lawyer asked, more...

When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss.
The brain said, "I should be boss because I control the whole body's responses and functions."

The feet said, "We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go."

The hands said, "We should be the boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."

And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs, and the eyes until finally the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work.

Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered. Eventually they all decided that the asshole should be the boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the boss just sat and passed out the shit!

Moral more...

One day, a diver was enjoying the aquatic world twenty feet below sea level. He noticed a guy at the same depth, but with no scuba gear whatsoever.
The diver went below another twenty feet, and the guy joined him a moment later. The diver went down even farther and the same guy was right behind him.
The confused diver took out out his waterproof chalkboard and wrote, "How the heck are you able to stay under this deep without equipment?"
The guy took the board and chalk, erased what the diver had written, and wrote, "I'm drowning, you freakin moron...!"

> Lesson number one
> ----------------
> A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small
> rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do
> nothing all day long?"
>
> The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below
> the crow, and rested.
> All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
>
> Moral of the story is:
> To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very
> high up.
>
> Lesson number two
> ----------------
> A turkey was chatting with a bull.
> "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed
> the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
> "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the
> bull. They're packed with nutrients."
> The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually more...

When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss.
The brain said, "I should be boss because I control the whole body's responses and functions."
The feet said, "We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go."
The hands said, "We should be the boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."
And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs, and the eyes until finally the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work. Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered. Eventually they all decided that the asshole should be the boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the boss just sat and passed out the shit!
Moral of the story: You don't need more...

One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus, and drove off along the route. No problems for the first few stops - a few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well.
At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on. Six feet eight, built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground. He glared at the driver and said, "Big John doesn't pay!" and sat down at the back.
Oh, did I mention that the driver was five feet three, thin, and basically meek? Well, he was. Naturally, he didn't argue with Big John, but he wasn't happy about it.
The next day the same thing happened, Big John got on again, made a show of refusing to pay, and sat down. And the next day, and the one after that, and so forth. This grated on the bus driver, who started losing sleep over the way Big John was taking advantage of him.
Finally he could stand it no longer. He signed up for body building courses, karate, judo, and all that good stuff. By more...