Fellow Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three young college students are on vacation in Washington, DC. One day they are walking together past the White House when they hear the voice of a man crying out, "Help, Help." Quickly, they respond to the call by leaping over the White House fence, and by following the cries, they eventually come upon Bill Clinton, drowning in the White House swimming pool. In an heroic rush, they pull him from the pool, then give him artificial respiration, clearly saving his life. After a few minutes, Clinton says to them, "Well, boys, today you saved my life! And I am willing to give each of you any wish you desire, as long as it is within my power as President!" The first fellow thinks for a few seconds then says, "I have always wanted to go to West Point. Can you get me an appointment?" "You bet!" said the President, "I'll sign the papers this afternoon!" Then the second fellow said, "I've always wanted to go to Annapolis. Can you get me more...

One fine Irish morning, a guy is out on the golf course and gets up to the 16th hole. He tees up and cranks one but, unfortunately, it goes into the woods on the side of the fairway.
He goes searching for his ball and comes across a wee little fellow with a huge knot on his head, and the golf ball lying right beside him. "Goodness," says the golfer, as he proceeds to revive the poor little fellow.
Upon awaking, the little fellow says, "Well, you caught me fair and square. I am a leprechaun. I will grant you three wishes."
The golfer says, "I couldn't take anything from you, I'm just glad I didn't hurt you too badly," and he walks away.
Watching the golfer leave, the leprechaun thinks, "Well, he was a very nice guy, and he did catch me, so I must do something for him. I'll give him three things that I would want, unlimited money, a great golf game, and a great sex life."
A year goes by and the same golfer is out golfing on the more...

When Duan Guangqing served as a county magistrate, he was known for his honest, upright nature. One day while passing a grain shop, he saw a crowd of people who seemed to be quarreling about something. Upon inquiry he learned that a country fellow had trampled a chick to death and the boss of the grain shop had asked for nine hundred coins in compensation. Duan Guangqing asked, "Why does a chick cost nine hundred coins?" The fellow from the country answered, "The boss said the chick, which was of fine quality, would weigh nine jin after a few months, The current price for a chicken is one hundred coins per Jin, so he asked me to pay nine hundred coins for the loss." Hearing this, Duan Guangqing asked the boss, "Is that true?" The boss of the grain shop nodded. "Yes, that's the way I calculated it." Then Duan Guangqing brought the case to a conclusion. "It seems that nine hundred coins is not too much. You just pay him that much. If you more...

“Excuse me, ” a young fellow said to an older librarian, “I’ve just moved here and I wonder if this town has any criminal lawyers. ”
“Well, ” replied the librarian, “I have lived here all my life and all I can tell you is we are pretty sure we do, but no one has been able to prove it yet. ”

A curious fellow died one day and found himself waiting in the long line of judgment. As he stood there he noticed that some souls were allowed to march right through the gates of heaven. Others, though, were led over to Satan who threw them into the burning pit.
But every so often, instead of hurling a poor soul into the fire, Satan would toss a soul off to one side into a small pile. After watching Satan do this several times, the fellow's curiosity got the best of him. So he strolled over and asked Satan, "Excuse me, Prince of Darkness," he said. "I'm waiting in line for judgment, but I couldn't help wondering, why are you tossing those people aside instead of flinging them into the fires of hell with the others?"
"Ah, those," Satan said with a groan. "They're all from Seattle. They're too wet to burn yet."

Did you hear about the fellow that was talking to his buddy, and he said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stumped."

His buddy said, "I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate saying she can have 60 minutes of great sex, any way that she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled." So the fellow did.

The next day his buddy asked, "Well? Did you take my suggestion?"

"Yes, I did," said the fellow.

"... And did she like it?" His buddy asked.

"Oh yes! She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the forehead and ran out the door yelling, "I'll be back in an hour!!!"

Warnings to anyone who is Catholic and' sensitive' to such humor.

A recently deceased fellow stands before St. Peter and askes to be let into Heaven. St. Peter asks his religion, and the fellow replies' Episcopalian.'

St. Peter says:' Welcome to Heaven. Go to room 24. Please be very quiet as you pass room 8'.

Another man arrives at the gates of heaven.

'Religion'?

'Baptist'.

'Go to room 18. But be very quiet as you pass room 8'.

A third man arrives at the gates.

'Religion?'

'Jewish.'

'Go to room 11, but please be very quiet as you pass room 8'.

The man says,' I can understand there being different rooms for different religions, but why must I be quiet when I pass room 8?'

St. Peter tells him,' Well the Catholics are in room 8, and they think they're the only ones here'.