Officer Jokes

A young Marine and his commanding officer climbed on board a train headed through the mountains of Switzerland. The only place they could find to sit was right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother.

After a while, it became obvious that the young woman and the young soldier were interested in each other, but the young woman kept glancing nervously at her grandmother.

Soon the train passed into a pitch black tunnel. There was the sound of a passionate kiss followed by the sound of a stinging slap. When the train emerged from the tunnel, the four sat there without saying a word.

The grandmother thought to herself: "It was very brash for that young soldier to kiss my granddaughter, and I'm glad she slapped him."

The commanding officer sat there thinking: "I figured he'd try to steal a kiss, but I sure wish she hadn't missed him when she slapped and hit me!"

The young woman was sitting and more...

A policeman was patrolling near midnight at a local parking spotoverlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple insidewith the dome light on. Inside there was a young man in the driver'sseat reading a computer magazine and a young lady in the back seatcalmly knitting.He stopped to investigate.He walked up to the driver's window and knocked. The young man lookedup, obligingly cranked the window down, and said, "Yes, Officer?""What are you doing?" the policeman asked."What does it look like?" answered the young man. "I'm readingthis magazine."Pointing towards the young lady in the back seat, the officer thenasked, "And what is she doing?"The young man looked over his shoulder and replied, "I think she'sknitting a sweater."Confused, the officer asked, "How old are you, young man?""I'm nineteen," he replied."And how old is she?" asked the officer.The young man looked at his watch and more...

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange: Officer: May I see your driver's license? Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI. Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle? Driver: It's not my car. I stole it. Officer: The car is stolen? Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there. Officer: There's a gun in the glove box? Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk. Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!? Driver: Yes, sir. Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation: Captain: Sir, can I see your license? Driver: Sure. Here it is. It was valid. Captain: Who's car is this? Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner' card. The driver more...

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5, 000.00.
The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.
The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000.00 Rolls Royce as collateral against a $5,000.00 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000.00 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you more...

Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again."
Soldier: "Do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "No, SIR!"