Fellow Jokes / Recent Jokes
Two fellows were talking in a bar when the first fellow says "Hey, what you just said was a Fruedian slip!"
The second fellow said "What? I don't know what you mean"
The first fellow said "You know, when you say what you are thinking instead of what you wanted to."
The second fellow says "I still don't know what you mean..."
So the first fellow says "You know, like when you are standing at an airline ticket counter being helped by a beautiful buxom blonde and you say 'I'd like two pickets to Titsburg"
The second fellow says "Oh! Now I understand! That happens to me all the time. As a matter of fact, it happened to me yesterday when my wife and I were at the breakfast table and I meant to say 'Please pass the milk' but what actually came out was 'You lousy bitch, you've ruined my life'!!!"
a man who has no children to speak of. a fellow who is crazy to get married- and knows it. a man who never makes the same mistake once. one who's foot-loose and fiancee free. a fellow who can take women or leave them and prefers to do both. a man who thinks seriously about marriage. a rolling stone who gathers no boss, a man who never has a bride idea. a man who believes in wine, women and s'long. a callous cad who is cheating some good woman out of her alimony. a guy with a strong will looking for a girl with a weak won't. a fellow who prefers to ball without the chain.
This young fellow was about to be married and was asking his grandfather about sex.
He asked how often you should have it.
His grandfather told him, "When you first get married, you want it all the time, and maybe you'll do it several times a day.
Later on, sex tapers off and you have it once a week or so.
Then, as you get older, you have sex maybe once a month.
When you get really old, you are lucky to have it once a year, like maybe on your anniversary."
The young fellow then asks his grandfather,
"Well, how about you and Grandma now?"
His grandfather replied,"Oh, we just have oral sex now."
"What's oral sex?" the young fellow asked.
"Well," Grandpa said, "she goes to bed in her bedroom and I go to bed in my bedroom.
She yells,'Screw You!'
and I holler back,'Screw You too!'"
A fellow walks into a bar very down on himself. As he walks up to the bar the bartender asks, "what's the matter?"
The fellow replies, "well I've got these two horses (sniff, sniff), and well... I can't tell them apart. I don't know if I'm mixing up riding times or even feeding them the right foods."
The bartender, feeling sorry for the guy, tries to think of somthing he can do. "Why don't you try shaving the tail of one of the horses?"
The man stops crying and says, "that sounds like a good idea, I think I'll try it."
A few months later he comes back to the bar in worse condition than he was before. "What's the matter now?" the bartender asks.
The fellow, in no condition to be in public, answers, "I shaved the tail of one of the horses (sob, sob), but it grew back and I can't tell them apart again!"
The bartender, now just wanting him to shut up or leave says, "why don't you try shaving the more...
A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial -- it went like this: Q: Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene? A: No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away. Q: Officer, who provided this description? A: The officer who responded to the scene. Q: A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers? A: Yes sir, with my life. Q: With your life? Let me ask you this then officer, do you have a locker room in the police station, a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties? A: Yes sir, we do. Q: And do you have a locker in that room? A: Yes sir, I do. Q: And do you have a lock on your locker? A: Yes sir. Q: Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow of ficers with your life, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with those officers? A: You see sir, we share the more...
I hate to go golfing with any of the executives from my own agency," complained the advertising prexy, while relaxing with his fourth Scotch and soda at the clubhouse bar. "Every time I yell' Fore' they chime in with-he's a jolly good fellow!"
One night, a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving-under-the-influence laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. Then, sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several more minutes. During this time, everyone left the bar and drove off.
Finally, the fellow started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights, and administered the Breathalyzer test. The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be.
The driver replied, "Tonight, I'm the designated decoy."