Fellow Jokes / Recent Jokes
This fellow had been suffering from excruciating headaches for some time, and finally went to a doctor. After a thorough exam, the physician called the fellow into his office and said, "Well, I'm not exactly sure what is causing your headaches, but we've found a cure for them: you'll have to be castrated." The man, needless to say, was taken aback, and told his doctor that he believed he would try to bear the pain. But as time went on, the headaches only got worse, and finally, the poor fellow was driven back to the doctor." All right, I guess I'll have the operation," he said. When it was all over, the man was understandably depressed, and his physician told him, "I recommend you begin life anew. Start over from this point." So the man decided to take the advice and went to a men's shop for a new set of clothes. The proprietor said, "Starting with the suit, looks like you take about a 38-regular." "That's right," exclaimed the man, more...
A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial -- it went like this:
Q: Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?
A: No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.
Q: Officer, who provided this description?
A: The officer who responded to the scene.
Q: A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?
A: Yes sir, with my life.
Q: With your life? Let me ask you this then officer, do you have a locker room in the police station, a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?
A: Yes sir, we do.
Q: And do you have a locker in that room?
A: Yes sir, I do.
Q: And do you have a lock on your locker?
A: Yes sir.
Q: Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow more...
A shy fellow goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour he finally gets enough courage and goes over and ask her if she would like to chat for a while. She responded by yelling, at the top of her lungs, “No, I won’t sleep with you tonight! ” Everyone in the bar stared at them. The fellow was hopelessly and completely embarrassed, slinking back to his table. After a few minutes, the woman walked over to him and apologized. She said “I’m sorry if I embarrassed you, You see, I’m a graduate student in psychology and I’m studding how people react to embarrassing situations. ” To this the fellow responded at the top of his lungs “What do you mean £500. 00, you must be out of your mind!!!!! ”
A man walks into a bar, and orders a drink.
A few minutes later, he says to no one in particular, "All lawyers are assholes."
The fellow next to him lit into him. "How dare you just stereotypically categorize all lawyers as assholes? How have you missed that it's just not okay to cast aspersions on an entire group of people? You just try saying something like that about any other group of people and you'd get slugged. And you should! If you weren't such a jerk, I'd pour my drink all over you, but you're not worth the cost of my drink."
The fellow was properly abashed, and apologized. "Look, I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to offend you," he says, "By the way, what kind of lawyer are you?"
"Lawyer? I'm no lawyer, you idiot. I'm an asshole!"
A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press the doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small, and the doorbell is placed at normal adult height, and the little fellow just can't reach. After watching the boy's sorry efforts for some time as he moves closer to the boy's position, the priest steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing one hand kindly on the child's shoulder, leans over the boy and gives the doorbell a solid ring.
Crouching down to the child's level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks, "And now what, my little man?"
To which the urchin replies, "Now we run like Hell!"
A fellow, who had spent his whole life in the desert, comes to visit a friend. He'd never seen a train or the tracks they run on. Whilestanding in the middle of the railroad tracks one day, he hears thiswhistle -- Whooee da Whoee! -- but doesn't know what it is. Predictably, he's hit and is thrown to the side of the tracks. It wasonly a glancing blow, so he was fortunate to receive some minor internalinjuries, a few broken bones, and some bruises. After weeks in the hospital recovering, he's at his friend's houseattending a party one evening. While in the kitchen, he suddenly hearsthe teakettle whistling. He grabs a baseball bat from the nearby closetand proceeds to batter and bash the teakettle into an unrecognizablelump of metal. His friend, hearing the ruckus, rushes into the kitchen, sees what's happened and asks the desert man, "Why'd you ruin my goodtea kettle?" The desert man replies, "Man, you gotta kill these things when they'resmall."
Two fellows have been at the bar now for quite a while, downing several mugs with abandon. They both look at the far end of the bar, in the direction of an unattractive woman who came in a while back.
The first fellow looks back at the second fellow and says, "Ya know, that woman is looking better and better, isn't she?"
The second fellow takes another look at the woman, then looks back at his friend and says, "well, I guess what they say is true, then, eh?"
The first fellow asks, "Well, what DO they say?" The second fellow answers, "Beauty is in the eye of the beer-holder!"