Festival Jokes / Recent Jokes
The Top 10 Least Popular Halloween HandoutsSpinach flavored Rice Cakes. Teeth removing TaffyMetamucil in a strawEx-Lax BrowniesCaramel Covered ZucchiniColored Crisco on a StickHot steaming bowl of pumpkin gutsChocolate Covered PrunesA Handful of Red ManAnything that ticks!
1. During the middle of the meal, turn to mom and say, "See mom, I told you they wouldn't notice that the turkey was four months past its expiration date. You were worried for nothing."2. When everyone goes around to say what they are thankful for, say, "I'm thankful I didn't get caught" and refuse to say anything more.3. Load your plate up high, then take it to the kitchen, toss it all in the blender, and take your "shake" back to the table. Announce that it's the new Thanksgiving Weight Loss Shake 4. Prepare a several hour long speech to give when asked about your thankfulness. If necessary, insist that no one leave or eat until you have finished the speech.5. Bring along old recorded football games and pop them in the VCR when dad's not looking. Make sure it is set to the last two minutes of the game when he comes into the room, turn off the VCR, and then turn on the regular TV. 6. Bring a date that only talks about the tragic and abusive conditions more...
It's the day before Thanksgiving, and the butcher is just locking up when a man begins pounding on the front door."Please let me in," says the man desperately. "I forgot to buy a turkey, and my wife will kill me if I don't come home with one.""Okay," says the butcher. "Let me see what I have left." He goes into the freezer and discovers that there's only one scrawny turkey left. He brings it out to show the man."That's one is too skinny. What else you got?" says the man.The butcher takes the bird back into the freezer and waits a few minutes and brings the same turkey back out to the man."Oh, no," says the man, "That one doesn't look any better. You better give me both of them!"
A young woman was taking an afternoon nap. After she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it means?" "You'll know tonight." he said. That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it--only to find a book entitled "The meaning of dreams".
It was the first time the blonde was eating Thanksgiving dinner without her family. Trying to re-enact the tradition, she prepared a dinner for herself alone. The next day, her mother called to see how everything went." Oh, mother, I made myself a lovely dinner, but I had so much trouble trying to eat the turkey!" said the daughter." Did it not taste good?" her mother asked." I don't know," the blonde said. "It wouldn't sit still!"
It's the day before Thanksgiving, and the butcher is just locking up when a man begins pounding on the front door." Please let me in," says the man desperately. "I forgot to buy a turkey, and my wife will kill me if I don't come home with one." "Okay," says the butcher. "Let me see what I have left." He goes into the freezer and discovers that there's only one scrawny turkey left. He brings it out to show the man." That's one is too skinny. What else you got?" says the man. The butcher takes the bird back into the freezer and waits a few minutes and brings the same turkey back out to the man." Oh, no," says the man, "That one doesn't look any better. You better give me both of them!"
1. During the middle of the meal, turn to mom and say, "See mom, I told you they wouldn't notice that the turkey was four months past its expiration date. You were worried for nothing." 2. When everyone goes around to say what they are thankful for, say, "I'm thankful I didn't get caught" and refuse to say anything more. 3. Load your plate up high, then take it to the kitchen, toss it all in the blender, and take your "shake" back to the table. Announce that it's the new Thanksgiving Weight Loss Shake 4. Prepare a several hour long speech to give when asked about your thankfulness. If necessary, insist that no one leave or eat until you have finished the speech. 5. Bring along old recorded football games and pop them in the VCR when dad's not looking. Make sure it is set to the last two minutes of the game when he comes into the room, turn off the VCR, and then turn on the regular TV. 6. Bring a date that only talks about the tragic and abusive conditions more...