Fifth Jokes / Recent Jokes

A group of third, fourth and fifth graders accompanied by two female teachers went on a field trip to the local racetrack to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry.

During the tour some of the children wanted to go to the toilet so it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.

As the teacher assigned to the boys waited outside the men's toilet, one of the boys came out and told her that he couldn't reach the urinal. Having no choice, the teacher went inside and began hoisting the little boys up by their armpits, one by one.

As she lifted one up by the armpits, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well-endowed for an elementary school child. "I guess you must be in the fifth," she said.

"No ma'am," he replied, "I'm in the seventh, riding Silver Arrow. Thanks for the lift anyhow."

A fifth grader looked downcast, so her teacher asked. "What`s the problem Carol? I hope it`s not homework again."
"Well, uh, yes, it is," replied Carol "I was stupid and made my homework paper into a paper airplane."
"Carol, you`re right, that wasn`t a very bright thing to do," said the teacher, "but his once I`ll let your just unfold the paper and hand it in."
"Oh, but that won`t work," said Carol, looking even sadder. "You see, the plane was hijacked

If the fifth grade is referred to as "your senior year".

music: a complex organizations of sounds that is set down by the composer, incorrectly interpreted by the conductor, who is ignored by the musicians, the result of which is ignored by the audience.
oboe: an ill wind that nobody blows good.
tenor: two hours before a nooner.
diminished fifth: an empty bottle of Jack Daniels.
perfect fifth: a full bottle of Jack Daniels.
ritard: there's one in every family.
relative major: an uncle in the Marine Corps.
relative minor: a girlfriend.
big band: when the bar pays enough to bring two banjo players.
pianissimo: "refill this beer bottle".
repeat: what you do until they just expel you.

A group of third, fourth and fifth graders accompanied by two female teachers went on a field trip to the local racetrack to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry.
During the tour some of the children wanted to go to the toilet so it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.
As the teacher assigned to the boys waited outside the men's toilet, one of the boys came out and told her that he couldn't reach the urinal. Having no choice, the teacher went inside and began hoisting the little boys up by their armpits, one by one.
As she lifted one up by the armpits, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well-endowed for an elementary school child. "I guess you must be in the fifth," she said.
"No ma'am," he replied, "I'm in the seventh, riding Silver Arrow. Thanks for the lift anyhow."

In the beginning God created day and night. He created day for footy matches, going to the beach and barbies. He created night for going prawning, sleeping and barbies. God saw that it was good.

Evening came and morning came and it was the Second Day.

On the Second Day God created water - for surfing, swimming and barbies on the beach. God saw that it was good.

Evening came and morning came and it was the Third Day.

On the Third Day God created the Earth to bring forth plants - to provide tobacco, malt and yeast for beer and wood for barbies. God saw that it was good.

Evening came and morning came and it was the Fourth Day.

On the Fourth Day God created animals and crustaceans for chops, sausages, steak and prawns for barbies. God saw that it was good.

Evening came and morning came and it was the Fifth Day.

On the Fifth Day God created a bloke - to go to the footy, enjoy the beach, drink the beer more...

The year is 1996. By this time, the American Government's policy of
Social Welfare has been extended to require that any married couple who
has not had a child within the first five years of marriage, must
receive the services of a government man who will attempt to be the means
of the wife becoming a mother.
There are no children in the family of this particular story: much to the
sorrow of the husband, and it is the morning of their fifth wedding
anniversary.
Husband - Well, goodbye, dear, I'm off to the office. I suppose the
government man will be here shortly, computer-printed address and all.
He leaves with his head bowed. The wife pretties herself and powders her
nose just as the doorbell rings. She is expecting the government man, but
instead her caller is a baby photographer who has come to see if he could
interest her in some baby pictures. The following conversation ensues:
Lady: Oh, Good Morning.
Man: How do you more...