Fight Jokes / Recent Jokes

A soldier, a marine, and an airman got into a fight about which service is best. The fight was so heated, that they killed each other. Soon, they found themselves in Heaven. They see St. Peter walk by and ask, “Which Branch of Service is the best? ” St. Peter replied, “I can't answer that. But, I will ask God what He thinks the next time I see Him. ” Some time later, the three see St. Peter again and ask him if he was able to find the answer. Suddenly, a dove landed on St. Peter's shoulder. The dove was carrying a note in its beak. St. Peter opened the note and read it out loud to the three fellows: “Gentlemen: All the Branches of the Service are ‘Honorable and Noble’. Each one of you has served your country well. Be proud of that. (signed) GOD, USN (Ret.)”

A massive food fight at an Illinois high school was the result of a senior prank gone awry.
One senior defended his classmates, saying, “Since most of the ammo was fruits and vegetables, we didn’t realize we were even in a food fight.”

Dear Shrink,

It haunted me for days, weeks, months, years. I couldn’t sleep at night. The sleep I got was full of nightmares and visions.

I fought bout after bout, fight after fight, with plagues of depression and insomnia; paranoia! Just the thought vexed me night after night, day after day.

I served stints in mental institutions, was even suicidal. Not even the normal 1-2 punch of Prozac and Zoloft would help.

Who would think that such a terrible and utterly disgusting act of cruelty and injustice could exist? Exist here in the United States of America, the land of the free the home of the Braves?

I could see a terrible wrong like this happening in third world anarchies, but here? The only place in the world where you can buy a six piece chicken McNugget and redeem 250 UPC symbols for a blue, red, and white basketball all on the same day!

I can still hear their merciless, nerve wrecking, voices; taunting him. They more...

Fat and docile, big and dumb,
They look so stupid, they aren't much fun,
Cows aren't fun.
They eat to grow, grow to die,
Die to be et, the hamburger fry,
Cows well done.
Nobody thunk it, nobody knew,
No one imagined the great cow guru
Cow Se Tongue.
He spoke about justice, but nobody stirred;
He felt like an outcast, alone in the herd,
Cows' doldrums.
He mooed "We must fight, escape or we'll die,"
Cows gathered around, 'cause the steaks were so high,
Bad cow pun.
But then he was captured, stuffed into a crate,
Loaded onto a truck, where he rode to his fate.
Cows are bummed.
He was a scrawny calf, who looked rather woozy,
No one suspected he was packing an Uzi -
Cows with guns.
Knocked over a tractor and ran for the door,
Six gallons of gas flowed out on the floor,
Run, cows, run!
He picked up a bullhorn, jumped up on the hay,
"We are free roving bovines, we run free more...

This farmer had an old rooster and he thought it might be time to get a new young rooster to service his hens. He got himself a new rooster and let him loose with the old rooster. The young rooster went right over to the old rooster and challenged him to a fight. The old rooster said, "Sonny, I'm too old to fight. Just follow me around, and I'll show you the place." The young rooster agreed and started to follow the old rooster around. The old rooster showed him the barn, then the hen house...then started to run. The young rooster thought the old rooster was trying to pull a quick one, so he chased after him madly.
All of a sudden, there came a loud "Bang!" and there stood the farmer, muttering "Dangit, that's the third gay rooster I've had to kill this month."

1. Two brothers separated in childhood will always grow up on different sides of the law. The law-breaker, however, will suddenly turn over a new leaf before the end, bash up the villain (who is the *real* bad guy), and be pardoned for all his sins before the last-scene family reunion. (This is possible only if he has a heroine - see rule 2 below).

2. If the number of heroes is not equal to the number of heroines, the excess heroes/heroines will a) die b) join the Red Cross and take off to Switzerland before the end of the movie.

3. If there are 2 heroes in a movie, they will fight each other savagely for at least 5 minutes (10 if they are brothers).

4. Any court scene will have the dialogue "Objection milord". If it is said by the hero, or his lawyer, it will be overruled. Else, it will be sustained.

5. The hero's sister will usually marry the hero's best friend (i. e. the second hero). Else, she will be raped by the villain more...

The Americans and Russians at the height of the arms race realized that if they continued in the
usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world.
One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They'd have five
years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and which ever side's dog won would be entitled to
dominate the world. The losing side would have to lay down its arms.
The Russians found the biggest meanest Doberman and Rottweiler bitches in the world and bred them
with the biggest meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from
each litter, killed his siblings, and gave him all the milk. They used steroids and trainers and
after five years came up with the biggest meanest dog the world had ever seen.
Its cage needed steel bars that were five inches thick and nobody could get near it. When the day
came for the dog fight, the Americans showed up with a more...