Fight Jokes / Recent Jokes

The fight
Moishe had a fight with Sadie, his wife, and went to the cinema to cool off. Later that evening, he decided to phone home to see what the situation was and maybe even apologise.
“Hello, darling,” he said, “what are you making for dinner?”
“What am I making, you bast**d? Poison, that’s what I’m making, poison.”
Moishe replies, “So make just one portion, I’m not coming home.”

Why God Created Lawyers

Satan was complaining bitterly to God, "You made the world so that it was not fair, and you made it so that most people would have to struggle every day, fight against their innate wishes and desires, and deal with all sorts of losses, grief, disasters, and catastrophes. Yet people worship and adore you. People fight, get arrested, and cheat each other, and I get blamed, even when it is not my fault. Sure, I'm evil, but give me a break. Can't you do something to make them stop blaming me?"

And so God created lawyers.

After a big fight broke out in a pub, the police were called in, as staffwere cleared away the debris, they spotted old Ron, a regular customer, lying uncocious in a corner. As he came round, one of the policemen asked him:"Did you get in fracus."
Ron replied: "No, in the nose."

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. Scene: A courtroom where a witness is testifying in a case involving a man biting off the ear of another man during a fight. After supplying testimony which was very bad for the defendant, the witness was being cross examined by the defendant's attorney. Attorney: You said that you saw the defendant and the plaintiff in a fight? Witness: Yes. Attorney: You then said that you were concerned for your safety and that, because of this concern, you sought shelter elsewhere? Witness: Yes. Attorney: You further stated that during this time of seeking shelter, you turned your back to the fight at hand? Witness: Yes. Attorney: And THEN you testified that that was when the defendant bit off the plaintiff's ear??!! Witness: Yes. Attorney: Well, that makes for an interesting question then! If your back was turned to the fight then you obviously MUST have had more...

'Twas the night before Christmas,
Yet he slept all alone.
In a one-bedroom house,
Made of plaster and stone.
I had come down the chimney
With presents to give,
And to see just what man
In this small house did live.
I looked all about,
What a strange site to see.
No tinsel, no presents,
Not even a tree.
No stockings by the fire,
Just boots spit shined bright.
Then something else gleamed,
Reflecting the moonlight.
They were medals and badges,
Awards of all kinds.
And a sobering thought
Soon came to my mind.
For this house was different,
Unlike any I'd topped.
This was the home of an officer,
The home of a cop.
I'd heard stories about "them",
And I had to see more.
So I walked down the hall,
And pushed open the door.
And there he lay sleeping,
Silent and alone.
Curled up on his bed,
In this one-bedroom home.
He seemed so gentle,
His face weathered more...

Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust"

The South Carolina State Police received reports of illegal cock fights being held out in the parish near Goose Creek, and duly dispatched Detective Thibideaux to investigate. Thibideaux reported to his sergeant the next morning.

"Dey is tree main groups in dis cock fightin," Thibideaux began.

"Good work Thibideaux! Who dey be?" the sergeant asked. Thibideaux replied confidently, "De Polacks, de Cajuns, and de Mafia."

Puzzled, the sergeant asked, "How you find dat out in one night?"

"Well," said Thibideaux, "I went down and done seed dat cock fight,I knowed de Polacks was involved whan a duck was entered in de fight."

The sergeant nodded. "Oh yeah, l see dat, but what' bout de others?"

Thibideaux intoned knowingly, "Well, I knowed de Cajuns was involved whan sumbody bet on de duck."

"Ah," sighed the sergeant. "Dat more...