Fight Jokes / Recent Jokes
Kelly limps into his favorite pub…
My god! What happened to you? ” the bartender asked Kelly as he hobbled in on a crutch, one arm in a cast.
“I got in a tiff with Riley”, whispered Kelly to the beertender.
“Riley? He’s just a wee fellow, ” the barkeep said surprised.
“He must have had something in his hand. ”
“That he did, ” Kelly said. “A shovel it was. ”
“Dear Lord. Didn’t you have anything in your hand? ”
“Aye, that I did - Mrs. Riley’s right tit. ” Kelly said.
“And a beautiful thing it was, but not much use in a fight! ”
A man on a business trip in Mexico decides to take in a bull fight. After the event, he stops in to the little dive next to the venue called "The Matador". As he checks out the menu trying to decide what he wants he sees a waiter bring a dish to another customer. The dish is spaghetti with these two huge meat balls. When the waiter comes to his table, he inquires. "That is the " replies the waiter. "Spaghetti and Bull testicles. We get them after the bull fight. It is exquisite!" "That's what I'll have!", says the businessman. "I'm very sorry senor, but that dish is only available once per day". Disappointed, the man orders another dish and plans to try again the next day. So again, the next day he goes to the bull fights, and afterwards stops into the dive. Just as the waiter is coming to his table, he sees another waiter bringing the "" to another customer who was there before him. "Damn!" he says to himself. more...
Santa walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me a shot of the strongest thing you've got."
He takes the shot glass and knocks it back. He then asks for another one and knocks that on back, too. After about five or six of these the bartender decides that he's going to cut the guy off.
Bartender says to Santa, "Hey, what's wrong with you? Did you have a fight with your wife or something?"
Santa sighs and says, "Yeah, after the fight she said that she wasn't going to speak to me for a whole month!"
The bartender, puzzled, says, "Well, what's wrong with that?"
Santa replied, "Well today's the last day!"
Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fish sandwich and I realize, Oh my God...I could be eating a slow learner!"- Lynda Montgomery"If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead."- Johnny Carson"Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."- Paul RodriguezAnd from George Carlin...If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn? If a no-armed man has a gun, is he armed? If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter? If firefighters fight fires and crime fighters fight crime, what do freedom fighters fight? If you put a slinky on an escalator, would it go forever? If all babies are cute why are there so many ugly people in the world? What's another word for thesaurus? If you cross a four leaf clover with poison ivy, would you get a rash of good luck? Who is more foolish, the fool, or the fool who follows him? When Dr. Kevorkian watches ER does he root against the more...
One day an old rooster who was the king of the hen house is approached by a young strong rooster who says, "You have been king of this hen house for a long time. It is time for me to step in and take over so I am calling you out. If I can take you in a fight, then I will become king of the roost."
The old rooster replies, "I know I have gotten old and you can probably knock my block off. I really don't want to fight you. I am willing to step down from my position but I want to do it with dignity. Let's have a race. We will race around the hen house three times. If you let me lead the first two laps, I will feel like I have had my final moment of glory and will step down as king of the hen house. You can pass me at the beginning of the third lap, win the race, and step in as the new king of the roost."
The young rooster agrees and the race begins. The old rooster is getting pretty tired by the end of the second lap and the young rooster starts to close in to more...
Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fish sandwich and I realize, Oh my God...I could be eating a slow learner!"
- Lynda Montgomery
"If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead."
- Johnny Carson
"Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
- Paul Rodriguez
And from George Carlin...
If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
If a no-armed man has a gun, is he armed?
If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter?
If firefighters fight fires and crime fighters fight crime, what do freedom fighters fight?
If you put a slinky on an escalator, would it go forever?
If all babies are cute why are there so many ugly people in the world?
What's another word for thesaurus?
If you cross a four leaf clover with poison ivy, would you get a rash of good luck?
Who is more foolish, the fool, or the fool who more...
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian