Filipino Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Pinoy went to a bar in Hawaii to have some drinks. At the counter, he sat next to the famous Hollywood director, Steven Spielberg who was already ahead by a quart of alcohol.

After a couple of beers, the Pinoy sensed that Spielberg was glaring at him. Suddenly, in a flash the Pinoy crashed down from his stool, felled by a vicious hook from the director.

Picking himself up, he yelled, "Wat da hell is dat por?"

Spielberg ranted: "That's for the bombing of Pearl Harbor, you and My dad perished in that bombing!"

"Tang Na! I am not Jafanese, you stufid Nincomfoof! I am Filipino!" exclaimed the Pinoy.

The inebriated director replied, "Yeah yeah yeah. ... Japanese, Burmese, Chinese, Vietnamese, Filipino. .. you are all the same."

Regaining his composure, the Pinoy dusted off his white pants, straightened the collar of his loud bird-of-paradise printed shirt, took his seat and ordered a more...

There was this Filipino kindergarten teacher and she was teaching her class how to do the hokey-pokey. She started off by saying, "You put your right feet in, you put your right feet out, you put your right feet in...." Suddenly one of the children said, "Teacher you have to say' foot.'" So the teacher said, "You' foot' your right feet in, you' foot' your right feet out....."

10. My name is Porrest, Porrest Goomp 9. Inay always said that life is like a balikbayan box 8. Lieutenant Dan! Putang ina mo! 7. Lieutenant Dan! Gusto mo ba ang sorbetes? 6. Me and Jenny went together like champorado and isda 5. Mr. President, iihi ako. Na saan ang "comfort room?" 4. My best friend Bubba knew everything there was to know about bagoong. "There's bagoong with rice, bagoong with lemon juice, fried bagoong, bagoong at puto, etc." 3. Those look like comfortable shoes. Sa Payless ba? 2. He invested my money in a prrooot company 1. Tanga is as tanga does.

A Filipino guy from the Philippines arrived to the United States. He never knew how to speak English at all, none, just straight out Tagalog. His sister's husband, who was American born and did not know how to speak Tagalog, but can understand just a little bit of the language, picked up the Filipino guy from the airport. So they shook hands and introduced themselves to each other. So, they never talked to each other until they both got into the car to go home. So, while going home, the Filipino guy said, "carpentario ako sa Phillipinas," ( I'm a carpenter in the Philippines). His Filipino American born brother-in-law nodding his head, so the Filipino guy said, in Filipino, " Ikaw anong trabajo mo?" ( what do you do for a living). His brother-in-law said, "Poet," the Filipino then took out a handkerchief and began to wipe his brother-in-laws face, with a sad look. Note for the dense: The Filipino guy thought that his brother-in-law was a "PUET" more...

I heard recently that no Filipino saints have ever been selected and feel this is a wrong that must be righted. I know of at least one Filipino who has passed the criteria for sainthood (performing three miracles), Ferdinand Marcos. The miracles he performed are: 1) He took millions, possibly billions of dollars out of one of the world's poorer nations. 2) He stayed married to Imelda for over 30 years. 3) He died of natural causes.

There were these 3 Filipino girls, and they were the ugliest Filipino girls ever! They finally got so tired of being ugly that they decide to go to the doctor's for help. The doctor looks at them and says, "Well, this is a tough one, but this is what you have to do; jump into a river and say the name of someone you think is beautiful and you will look exactly like that person." So the first one goes and says "Britney Spears" and when she gets out of the water she looked just like Britney Spears. Then the second one went and she said "Alyssa Milano" and became Alyssa Milano. Then came the third one... When she jumped into the river (being so terrified of swimming) said "AY TA-E!" (means shit)

One day, 4 babies were born at K. K. Hospital: a German, a Jewish, a Filipino and a Singaporean. However, someone mixed up the babies by mistake, and the nurses couldn't differentiate between them. However, the head sister had a bright idea. She lined the babies up in front of her and exclaimed, "Heil Hitler!" At hearing this, the German baby raised his arm in a salute, while the Jewish baby soiled his diapers. In the meantime, the Singaporean baby turned to the Filipino baby and said, "Clean that up!"